Baby on the Brehm

This Magic Moment...

2012-02-05T20:32:00.000-08:00

Well. I try not to do this. I try, with all my might, to be a true form of birth control for all my friends who don't yet have children. I try to not romanticize what it is to have children {there's enough of that on teen mom and that Duggar show}. I attempt to be real.

But today's real was just a lot sweeter than some of the other reality. And there are those ~~days~~ moments more often than I sometimes remember to project... i suppose.

Barrett has been a true toddler these days. Tantrums, including but not limited to kicking, screaming, shrieking, hitting, crying... all these things have become a routine part of our daily lives. I often say he's like a SourPatch Kid ... first he's sour, then he's sweet. Learning that he can test what it means to be independent, brings upon waves of emotions for our mr. B. And as I tell him day in and day out, if he chooses to test us, he will fail that test 100% of the time.

This morning started out with some of the usual suspects including grunting, mini screams and roaring. With a big birthday party ahead, I was certain we were headed for disaster. I was certain we would reach meltdown status no later than 32 minutes into said party. I was certain all of our family and friends would leave thinking Barrett was a spoiled little bratty boy and that we were failing at our job.

But today... today, Barrett was a gem. All the children in attendance were, in fact. We had fun-filled festivities with cousins and a few friends and for me, it was delightful. It was like I was watching the party in slow motion, actually enjoying the minutes and seconds. Watching Barrett be the best version of himself.

And the rest of the day, Barrett was as sweet as sweetness can be. A true joy. Our one-day-short-of-3 boy. It's indescribable, really, because I can't pinpoint any one bit that was extraordinary. In fact, part of it's perfection was just how ordinary the events were. And I, like much of the time, found him remarkable. And found myself not wanting the day to go away. Wanting to etch the effervescence of his youthful spirit in my mind like fireflies in a jar ... wanting to be able to watch its glow for hours. Wanting to hold onto those cozy cuddles for a lifetime. How sweet they are.

It's days like today that I believe that a life forever without children would seem emptier for anyone who knew what having children felt like. And that I find myself with muddled memories of what life prior to children truly entailed. Each day, I love them more. And I love Adam more for living this life with me. My boys. Sweet joys.

Some days are manic. Some days are madness. Some days are magic. And those days... well, they are, for me, beyond what words are capable of telling.

Happy birthday eve to our sweet first-born. You continue to keep us on our toes. You continue to make us giggle. You continue to expand our hearts...daily.

Thoughtsy Thursday...

2012-02-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

What if I'm never anything great? I sometimes think. Almost 30 years old, what have I really done? What have I accomplished that is noteworthy? That will leave a legacy?

What will be the lasting impact I leave?

I have several friends who have gone to Med school. Others with law degrees. Some who've gotten their doctorate. Many who've gotten their masters. I often stand in awe of them.

My sister's a teacher. She, in my opinion, changes lives and forms young minds daily. My sister-in-law started her own student organization and non-profit, REbeL, to nurture strong self-esteem in schools. My old bosses are all strong, accomplished women who commanded their careers and were loyal to their companies. These are people who make a difference daily. And I know plenty more where they came from...And I could go on and on...

When I think about all the people in my life, I think about how accomplished they are. What a difference they've made. How incredible their impact has been.

And I wonder, what will my impact be? When will I be what I am meant to be?

And then. Then, I lay down next to my almost three year old boy. He places his hand on my face and breathes in a deep breath. Giggles. And smiles. And says, "I wuv you, mommy".

So, at dusk, I am able to reflect. To realize that not everyone can be a big difference to the big world. Instead, I must realize I just can't waste my opportunity to be something that matters to me. And for today, that has to be my impact. They have to be my something great. Because it is the very good things that keep you going. That make you matter. Even if just in the micro matters.

Questionable Content...

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, Barrett. True to toddler form, the things that come out of our little man's mouth, leave us laughing & exchanging glances from across the room. Since Barrett could talk, he's been full of questions.

Why those guys not have birds? {insert animal as need be}
Why you not turn the sun down? {daily. he wants the sun either turned off or on}
Who those guys are? {about any group of people in a book, on tv, on the street, in his imagination...}
What her name is? {about any person in a book, on tv, on the street, in his imagination...}
Why we didn't see the giraffes? {it's never about what we did, but rather what we didn't do}
Why daddy go to work? {daily}
Why do you wear tennis shoes but don't wear Pumas? {daily}

The above sampling is just a small smattering of the regs. It doesn't matter what the topic, inquiring minds want to know...and inquire he does...all day long. Though the questions {and the phrasing} have become more sophisticated over the last year and a half... questions {continue to} abound.

And the most recent questions have left us sometimes scratching our heads {and giggling inside} while we figure out that oh-so-perfect response.

Why you don't have a penis and a butt? Why instead you have a gina {jy-na}?

Why you have a big bottom on your butt?

Why you stand up to pee? Why mommy doesn't stand up to pee?

Why my poop so big?

Why Jonah doesn't have a gina?

Oh the things kids say. And the things they think to ask. It's a good thing I'm not shy. And that I'm fairly unflappable. Because if I wasn't, well, I suppose I'd have to learn to be.

Priceless Moments, Standing Still...

2012-01-30T13:46:00.000-08:00

I love family picture day. Some people loathe it. Outfits. Kid's hair {the beauty of boys?}. Getting it all together between naps, food and tantrums. But I love it.

Since we had Barrett, Adam and I try {emphasis on TRY} to get family pictures taken every so often. We have plenty of candids. Who doesn't nowadays with cameras on every tech gadget under the sun? But having someone else get behind the lens and capture the spirit of our family is so precious to me... I just love it.

And I love, even more, getting the cd, or proofs, and dissecting every picture. Every moment. Every little expression. And with kids, the perfect imperfection of it all. So fantastic.

On the most recent family pic day, Jonah happen to be on day 1 or 2 of what turned out to be a 10+ day virus including a double ear infection. And every time I look at these pictures, I will remember that. When we had Barrett's newborn pics taken, he screamed the entire time. And I will always remember that. And when we had Jonah's newborn pics snapped, Barrett was having tantrums to end all tantrums. I will always remember these otherwise ordinary days, now frozen indefinitely. I am a big fan of those very unposed and not-so-contrived moments that are snapped up and I just love finding photographers who share that same philosophy.

These newbs, as well as our last family pics, our Jonah birth pics, and the "snow" pics that people seemed to love, were taken by Adam's colleague and friend, Nikki Moseman. When Barrett was six months old, our very dear friend, Jamie Scott, took pictures of baby B. When I was pregnant, a college friend, Toby Burger, took photos of baby on the Brehm. Each time, I've been overjoyed with the results. Priceless moments, standing still.

Terror of the Night...

2012-01-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

You might think I'm talking about an amusement park attraction or maybe even the latest horror flick. But this is a mommy blog. So I'm talking about mom things...at least for today. And the terror of the night... just add it to the list. The ever growing list of things that, as a mother {er, as parents}, I/we have no idea how to deal with. This list includes colic, MSPI, the winter crud, sharpie on my belongings, toddler-itis, teething, et al. And amongst the et al? Night terrors.

This strange phenomena has been rocking our world for the past two years. Up until recently, the frequency was once a month, if that. But now...well, at the height two weeks ago...four times in one week {incidentally, there was also one sleep walking episode in that very same week}.

What exactly is a night terror, you might ask. Well. In our experience it is crazy ridiculous hysterical episode in which your child has no reasoning ability, no inhibitions and absolutely no clue that they are being absurd.

For Barrett, his terrors include, often eyes open, screaming, yelling, pushing, arm waving, throwing of things and all around batty behavior. When happening at nighttime {oh, did I not mention they happen at nap, on occasion?} they start about 3 hours after bedtime and they last anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes.

I am not a dr. I am not an expert. But from our experience, here is a list of things that do not terminate the terrors of the night:

1. Talking or whispering to the child
2. Making contact with the child
3. Turning the lights on
4. Walking out of the room
5. Getting the child water

And, in consulting with a few medical professionals regarding this hysteria, there is absolutely nothing that we, as parents, can do to end such chaos. All we can do is protect our bawling boy from anything that might harm him and wait it out.

And in case you think we're confused and that our child is simply having a tantrum we've had our fair share of the terrible twos going on at Casa de Brehm...so we're fairly certain we know the diff. Additionally, at least with our little prince, even though his eyes are open they appear to not focus correctly and the answer to any question we ask is always no. And... I've included the evidence {a mid-day post-nap terror}...

At the end of this tumultuous terror, mr. B laid right back down and went to sleep. It's seriously strange. But hey, things would be boring without a little strange, eh? C'est la parenting.

Thoughtsy Thursday...

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

I find motherhood overwhelming. And exhausting. And challenging. And yet...the very best thing I could be doing with my life at this point. Does that sound ridiculous? I think 4 years ago, my response would have been, yes.

On any given day, I have greasy hair... Legos covering my living room floor... and spit can be found on every other inch of my red couches. But I honestly can say, there's not a moment when I truly think that I'd rather live a life without children than a life with mess.

I make my child peanut butter and jelly for the 4th meal in a row on occasion. I vent to my sister about staying at home. And I often feel like I'm treading water. But when I try to figure out the career direction that I want to take that would make me leave this place...make me start over...make me miss the really good moments {and oh, when it's good...well, it's inexplicable}, I get a little sweaty. Sticky. And my stomach aches a bit.

I sometimes think I'm an accidental mom. I don't know that I ever saw myself as nurturing or the mothering type. Even now, I'm ne'er the mom with lots of projects planned out and educational journeys for my kiddos daily. I'm not the one with bento box lunches. I'm the one who still likes to have social outings and date nights with the hubs. I'm the one who just can't make the leap to a mini van.

But I love our boys.

I should have known. I should have realized that because of how much I love my husband, I would have such a pure, deep love for our children. But {cliche as it may be} I love them more than I ever could have known I would. And that is an incredible force. It makes you do things you never thought you'd do... like stay home, stay up all night, give up food, be a hormonal mess, gain weight. It takes you out of your comfort zone... I have to spray that water where? I haven't showered in three days. I've needed to pee for the last 32 minutes while rocking this baby. It changes your perspective... I thought my stomach needed to be flatter when I was 13? I felt like I was so busy in college. I can't believe I spent money on that.

And I'm not saying everyone should have kids. In fact, I am very much of the opinion that, if you don't want kids, you should probably not have them. And I'm not saying all moms should stay home...believe you me...that is the farthest thing from what I'm saying. And I'm definitely not saying that people without kids are less of people because children do not define a person. But our children have changed my life. They've set my ship on a different course. And for that, I am eternally grateful. By them, I am eternally blessed.

Whatcha Got Cookin...

2012-01-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

Just call me Julia. Or Rachel. Or Betty. Because I'm a famous actress, you might ask? No. Because I'm a gourmet chef.

Okay. Not really a gourmet chef. But a really fancy cook. Okay, okay. Not really even fancy at all. And not really a cook. So, I guess, just call me, Ashli.

But thanks to this cute little guy I met, I've got somethin' cookin in my kitchen...

Meet Mr. Brezza. He's adorable, right? And he looks like your standard food processor, right? HA! Notsofast. This little nugget is a steaming/blending hunka burning love and he makes homemade baby food easy peasy.

I suppose making my own food never would have been that much effort. Right after I had Barrett, my friend Lindsay talked about some sort of grinder/mill contraption she used to make most of her Johnny boy's food. At that point, I could barely even talk in complete sentences or change out of my pajamas so the idea of doing, what I considered to be SUPERmom tasks, was not going to happen. I would leave the babyfood making to Lindsay and the other supermoms out there.

But when I was growing Grin, while playdating at my friend Kristin's {check out her blog... mommiatrics.blogspot.com}, I was introduced to this beaut.

Her Baby Beaba was even cuter than the little prince I purchased but cost a little more kizzle. I watched as she added in her fresh veggies and then set it and forget it.

Yep. I wanna give that a whirl.

I decided that even with the cost of the machine {about $100}, 12 storage containers, 3 ice cube trays and then buying my own veggies and fruits, I could still save in comparison to buying organic baby food from the store. And so, I bought mr. Brezza and have gone to town. Clearly, if I can do this, it is not just for the supermom variety.

If you want the jist, it goes like this:

We currently have the freezer stocked with zucchini, pears, apples, squash, mango, bananas and peas. If we're heading out on the town for din din, I will pack Ella's Kitchen or other purchased pouches for convenience but otherwise, making Jonah's food from "scratch" has been working out quite well.

So, good lookin'... that's what we got cookin' over here. What kind of foods do you love to feed your babe? Additionally, has Pinterest got you cookin' like crazy? What are your fave foods to feed your fam?

*I am receiving absolutely nothing from the makers of Mr. Brezza or Baby Beaba. I am just a mom. Who has been there, done this.

That's Sick...

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

I've noticed some youngsters using the phrase these days, That's sick.

I think that if I were hip and cool and said things like fetch and that's sick, I would be trying to express that that's awesome... or rad, if you wanna go retro. But all that that's sick makes me think of is sick days. And how much I miss them. I know, here's my mom card.

Of course, I don't mean that I miss being sick and having to use sick days. That would just be outrageous. I mean that I miss actual sick days. The ones where I would roll over and realize I felt awful. Determine a sick day was necessary and only have to make a call to my boss. And then, of course, spend the day switching from sofa to bed, from one tv program to the next and actually do nothing, nada, zilch, all day long ... oh, except drifting in and out of sleep.

Friday was one of those days ... the ones that make me a bit dreamy about life pre-mama. I think about how, in my former life, with a perpetual headache, incessant sinus pressure, and overwhelming level of tiredness, I would have been snuggled up under the covers in my bed, with only the occasional necessity to use the bathroom dragging me out from the comfort of my sick day. Oooh, and if I were getting really crazy, I would have gone to the doctor. I may have even had a regular doctor who knew me and knew my story. But who has time for that?

As a parent, sick days are pretty much null and void. I mean, sure, if you're lucky enough to have a partner in crime, a phenomenal grandparent or fab friend to take a child off your paws, you can attempt to have some semblance of a sick day but in all reality, you can usually get one good day to really recupe and then, it's back to baby business.

So, alas, sick days... well, they don't really exist anymore, do they? And I'm not gonna say I don't miss that part of life before mommyhood, because that would be a dirty lie {it is okay to admit that there are excerpts of life that were more favorable prior to children. At least I think it is...}. I don't think I really even appreciated them {much like my more taut tummy and my ability to sleep past 8} before. I never really gave them their due. So, to sick days of the past ... you were loved.

And in talking about sick days, it's not a stay-at-home mom vs. working-outside-the-home mom {hope I was the most p.c. I could possibly be in those titles} thing. It's just a parent thing.

The babe still needs to be fed. The children still need rearing. The toddler still needs attention. And though you share the duties with the hubs, it can be extremely guilt-inducing to sleep the day away while he carries the full load. And let's be real, if I am going to have someone hang out with the kiddos for the day, I want to be doing something really fantastic...not spending it holed up in a dark, quiet room. And much like missing a day of work at the office, the duties are never-ending and the work will still be there when you get back to it. Turns out, even when we're sick, our kiddos still need food, entertainment and love {how dare they!}.

So, ibuprofen, salt water gargle and saline abound. And snuggling under the covers, I'll see you in another life.

MotY Moment...

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

As I now have a very curious and rambunctious toddler and a very needy infant, I am finding that I have a fair amount of what we all refer to as our Mother of the Year moments. From Barrett's first roll off of the changing table, I was inducted into the Mother of the Year club and life just keeps these moments coming.

I've decided that I need to do a better job of sharing these moments. If not only to make myself see the true humor in them, but to make all moms realize that no one is perfect {okay. I realize that not a single person has ever believed I am perfect but you get my drift}.

So, without further ado...

After a ridiculously ill-timed trip {a cranky babe and a crabby tod} to Village Pointe the other day, Adam and Barrett headed for haircuts while Jonah and I headed back home. A bit overdue for his nap, Jonah was in a less than delightful mood, which of course, was due to my poor planning.

My hands full of bags, I popped him in the Jeep. I dropped my purse on the front seat. And my keys. I shut the door and headed to the back hatch to load the stroller. And wouldn't you know it? The back door was locked. OH DEAR LORD.

I ran back to Jonah's door. Locked.

My door. Locked.

Every entry. Locked.

Sweet petunias. I've locked my child in the f*@$ing car. I'm officially certifiable.

Luckily, it was a Saturday. Luckily, my husband is a gem. And luckily, in all my disorganization, I still know where the spare keys are.

I stood there watching Jonah play with his car seat toys...and then begin to scream...at the top of his lungs for what seemed like four hours and 42 minutes. But. Just 15 short minutes {ha.} later, I was back in the Jeep. And Jonah continued to share his opinion with me until we reached home.

And you know what's great? Four years ago, I would have been bawling. Now I just swear. Profusely. And hope that my children are no worse for the wear.

Month 7... Closer to A Little Slice of Heaven...

2012-01-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Month Seven Highlights

Jonah moves into 6 month and 6-12 month clothes, wears size 2 dipes and continues to grow in the happiness department!
Jonah has some rough sleep patches due to what we believe to be teething, but on average sleeps from about 7:30 in the eve to about 4:30 in the morn. Then again until about 6 and then wakes for the day, on average, around 7:00...but sometimes 6.
Throughout the seventh month, Jonah's fussing becomes even less and he is happier when doing tummy time, rolling about and scooting in circles.
Jonah does tripod sitting but really prefers his tummy.
Right before the end of the month, Jonah decides snuggling and being held are his bag again though is fairly content most of the time.
Jonah still has extremely irregular naps but takes 3 on a good day. His afternoons are sort of a bear as he rarely takes very good naps post noon. Some of this is likely due to his Prevacid.
Jonah's GI intolerance

Dairy is back!!! {Can I get a woop!} Soy actually appears to be more of an issue than dairy...

Jonah continues to battle reflux

Jonah still takes Prevacid 2x daily. An attempt to wean off of Prevacid resulted in a very unhappy babe. So meds are still in full force.

Food! Jonah is able to tolerate homemade peas, apples, bananas, pears, and mangoes. He does not do as well with carrots and we are still staying away from sweet potatoes due to gas issues.
Jonah's favorite toy is a package of wipes.
Jonah sucks on his index and ring finger with some frequency and can generally be found with his hand or a toy in his mouth and a pool of drool on his chin and chest.
This little boy is scooting and army crawling all over the place. I fear the day he takes off...
Oh, month 7! You are better than your predecessors. Hoping next month we can report less meds, better naps and more foods but babies are always a work in progress:).

Color Outside the Lines...

2012-01-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

People are always reminding us. Color Outside of the Lines. Live with whimsy. Think outside the box.

From Pinterest to Facebook, I see people reminding themselves daily. To stretch themselves. To leave their comfort zone. Now, that all sounds lovely, right? Idyllic, perhaps.

And then. Someone colors outside the lines.

with a pink sharpie.

on your blinds. on your door.

on your wall. on your headboard.

on your finials. on your reading light.

on your oh-so-clean nightstand. on your sheets.

and of course, on your comforter, pillow shams, and a few pieces of {ahem, white} clothing.

and contrary to ehow, et al., neither this...

nor this...

really work to remove a young artists' masterpiece.

and while Mr. Magic Eraser helped the maimed and wounded wood,

nothing else could be spared of the artistic wonders on our walls, blinds, comforter, sheets, and clothing.

Now. To address the most common questions.

No. I had not run an errand and left my child with a Sharpie in hand for 30 minutes. I was cooking dinner. Adam was holding Jonah and taking a phone call. {That's what I get for cooking}.

No. I do not have Sharpie's just strewn about. I currently have the most disorganized house in the U.S. of A. and have, in fact, been searching for my Sharpies for months. I have no doubt our little Picasso had been stowing his find away for just the perfect moment.

No. We didn't send him to the hole. We were both so flabbergasted. We did timeout. Bedtime books and songs were taken away for a week. And we also took away "shows" for three days.

No. He had no clue what he had done was wrong. Apparently being told {after drawing with pen on the couch 2 months prior} that it is never okay to draw, color, etc. on other people's things did not make any impression on our often trying toddler. Instead, he came out of the bedroom after about 5 minutes and exclaimed with a smile from ear to ear... "Daddy! Come see what I drawed".

So. The next time you proclaim, "Color Outside the Lines", perhaps you ought to provide a disclaimer. And perhaps you ought to lock up your Sharpie.

Back in the Saddle...

2012-01-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

The hardest part of getting going again is actually doing it. So, here I am. After a hiatus, sabbatical, sowing of wild oats {err. hardly.}, I'm getting back on the horse. There've been many bloggable happenings since I last wrote... including, but not limited to: Sharpie art all over our bedroom {hot pink sharpie+one creative toddler}, night terrors {as many as 4 a week}, toddler-itis {general ridiculousness}, locking my child+keys in the car, and many other morsels from mommyhood. I'll be back slowly, but surely. And there will be some stories that may make you pee your pants. So get ready.

Half a Year... In the Clear?!...

2011-12-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

Month Six Highlights

Jonah endures his first bout of illness since birth with an ear infection just in time for Turkey Day
Jonah moves into mostly 3-6 or 6 month clothes, wears size 2 dipes and continues to grow in the happiness department!
Jonah has some rough sleep patches but on averages sleeps from about 7:00 in the eve to about 2-4 in the morn. Then again until about 5 or 6 and then wakes for the day, on average, around 7:00...but sometimes 6...and sometimes 5...eeeeek.
Throughout the sixth month, Jonah's fussing becomes much less and he is happier when doing tummy time, rolling about and scooting in circles. He is a happy chappy!
Jonah still has extremely irregular naps but takes 3 on a good day.
Jonah's GI intolerance

Mommy fails at introducing dairy and soy before Thanksgiving and both grandmas are more than accomodating of mommy's crazy dietary restrictions.
Mommy reintroduces soy just shy of 6 months and dabbles in dairy...so far soy good. The jury is still out on dairy.

Jonah continues to battle reflux

Mommy watches diet less and less.
Jonah still takes Prevacid 2x daily

Food! We backed off food for 3 weeks after a poor introduction at 4 and half months. The last week before the 6 month mark, Jonah is able to tolerate homemade peas, apples, bananas, pears and store bought peaches (they're out of season!)
Cooing and happy screeches are two of Jonah's favorite past times.
Jonah sucks on his index and ring finger with some frequency and can generally be found with his hand or a toy in his mouth and a pool of drool on his chin and chest.
Oh, month 6! We've seen the light and the light is good!! Jonah is a sweet peanut and we've decided to keep him around for awhile.

Do You Hear What I Hear?...

2011-11-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

What's that? It's not even Thanksgiving, you say? Too bad, so sad. I love Christmas music.

I am a singer in the shower and rock star in my car. I recently loaded my iPod for the nearing Holiday season and got downright giddy as I listened for the first time of 2011.

Last year I did a {very expansive} post on my fave Holiday flicks. This year, I'm sharing my fave tunes, in hopes that you'll share back... I'm looking for some new festive faves.

Here are my top ten fave Christmas Albums {in no particular order}:

1. Mariah Carey - The original. None of that #2 business. Because really, all I want for Christmas is you. That's right. I'm talking to you.
2. James Taylor Christmas Album - Okay. This has the very best version of Auld Lang Syne. Ever. And, it's James Taylor. Enough said.
3. Sarah McLachlan Wintersong - Another voice that I just adore. Best tunes...Wintersong and River.
4. Amy Grant A Christmas Album - Introduced by my SIL Laura and complete with a Phi M song, Heirlooms.
5. Amy Grant Home For Christmas - Also introduced to me by my SIL Laura. Love. Love. Love.
6. Christmas With the Chipmunks - I can't help myself. Love it.
7. Bing Crosby White Christmas - I know I said this was in no particular order but let's be real, Bing takes the cake. This CD reminds me of my childhood. Of my grandpa Nelson and of my dad.
8. Mannheim Steamroller A Fresh Aire - Traditions of Christmas is just perfection. Reminds me of High School Jazz band. Makes me wanna dust off my trombone.
9. Clint Black Looking for Christmas - Adam introduced this while we were dating. The Finest Gift may be one of the finest Christmas songs around. And he would sing it to me. Sweet.
10. Josh Groban Noel - B.E.A.utiful.

What songs get you in the Holiday spirit?

Co-Sleeping Campaign...

2011-11-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

Really? Isn't this a bit extreme?

As I was swooning over Matt Lauer {he's just so darn heart throbby} this a.m. I caught the news on this recent campaign. Because of my Advertising background, I find this to be a fascinating case study of the old dilemma -- does any publicity, good or bad, do a brand, or a cause, good?

If you can't see the picture clearly, it is a baby. In an adult bed. Next to a meat cleaver. And it reads "Your baby sleeping with you can be just as dangerous". Really? I know what they'd say. That it specifically reads can be. That it isn't saying that every baby is co-sleeps is going to die. But wow. Scare tactics, much?

I can honestly say that the number of times Barrett slept with us as a baby was 0. I had heard the dangers of having baby in bed time and time again. The number of times Jonah slept on my chest, in our bed, in the wee small hours of the morning in the first 6 weeks? Countless. I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying I did it in an effort for all of us to get some real rest. To be able to function. To have my less than 5 pound preemie close to mommy. As he would have been had he gone to 40 weeks.

In one mom's reaction, she states that health officials would be better off telling parents how to safely co-sleep, rather than demonizing parents who do it as a deliberate choice with plenty of safety precautions. Wow. A proactive approach rather than a big hammer approach? What a novel idea...

I think my biggest issue with this campaign is, what's the goal? People who truly co-sleep are not going to stop because of this, because they believe the benefits to be greater than the risks. And people who don't co-sleep, well, they already have their opinions formed and minds made up. Instead, it's just another issue to divide moms into two camps. And I'm not really into camping.

Read the piece from the Today Show here.

For Crying Out Loud...

2011-11-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

Cry It Out. To type it makes me cringe just a little. Poop -- I can blog about. The word boob -- I will type a hundred times without a second thought. I will even talk about hemorrhoids and triple nipple cream. But cry it out... makes me feel a little uneasy. Go figure.

Before having children, I thought how could you just let your baby cry? They are so innocent. They need to be comforted. Cue two babies, who in much contrast to their one-time incubator, hate to sleep.

When I had Barrett, I was under the impression that babies get tired and conk out in strollers and on the shoulders of their parents with some regularity. I thought that babies fell asleep while being fed, slept for two hours and woke up refreshed. I thought that they would sleep, above all else.

I had no clue that babies would stay up for hours on end {both Barrett and Jonah would/will stay up for 6 hours straight during the daylight hours} and that they would also only sleep for 20 minute stints, only to wake up way more peeved than they were when they went down.

So. After battling sleep with Barrett for the first year and a half {we went to one nap at 10 months}, I saw the writing on the wall with Jonah. Out of the truly colicky phase, at 4 months, Jonah was still waking 3-4 times a night. Napping...hmph. Napping for Jonah meant closing his eyes long enough for mommy to use the potty. Something had to change and since Jonah wasn't taking it upon himself, Adam and I geared up for a grueling full-on sleep attack. I knew what I had to do. I went to Amazon and placed an order for the magic book. The book everyone swears by. The book that saves lives and sanity of exhausted parents. Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.

Again, being a novice to reading on child rearing, I was a little skeptical about the efficacy of this REM regimen. But what did we have to lose? We were already losing sleep, sanity and patience. It couldn't be worse than it currently was... a red-eyed, always needed to be held, fussy babe.

I scoured the pages, reading passages and real-life recounts aloud to Adam. It was as if I was reading about Jonah...and about a former Barrett. Because of Jonah's colicky roots and having tried other methods up until this point, we decided that the Extinction method would be our best route. It even sounds mean, right? Extinction. That meant once Jonah was down for the count, we would not go into soothe {unless it was a feeding time. I was not about to deprive him of feedings at this weight} and during naps, he would cry for up to one hour. I know. It sounds like hell. And it sorta was.

The first night, Jonah cried off and on for an hour and 20 minutes. Judge, judge, judge. Call me a heartless beast. I know I would. I watched the monitor. We listened to his cries. I cried. I held Adam's hand as we lay in the dark. It was hard. I even feared the psychological damages it may be doing... abandonment issues, future insecurities, and on and on. The motherly {parently?} instinct is to save your baby from harm, fear, or just unpleasant situations and cry-it-out asks you to completely shut off that instinct. But, I have to admit, as far as night, that was all it took. That crying spell was enough for Jonah to "learn" to go back to sleep on his own. The next night, we were back on track. Since, we've had no crying spells in the night longer than a ten minutes.

Naps are a different story. It doesn't seem to matter how much we watch for J's signals, he goes from smiley to screamy in 5.2. So we were going to have to go all out. Much like I never thought I'd be a PBR {parenting book reader}, prior to Barrett, Adam and I never ever anticipated being schedule nazis. But. We are. Barrett has been on a schedule since six months and up until recently, we rarely missed a nap or bedtime. We realized that we could either have a happy Barrett {read: well slept} or a crappy Barrett {read: exhausted} and so very soon after the six month mark, we moved heaven and earth to make sure he had the perfect conditions for sweet slumber. I know it makes us sound like crazy mcrazertons...and each child is so very different {unless we're talking about Barrett and Jonah}...but it's what works for us. Believe me, if our kiddos slept sweetly as we strolled about or would catch a snooze in the car whenever need be, I'd gladly take it. But I digress...

So, Saturday morn, we started writing down every wake-up, every start of soothing routine, every put down, every cry period and every sleep time. It sounds even crazier when I write it out...but again, it was worth a shot. And we've continued each day. And we are seeing some improvements. Jonah now has somewhat of a scheduled day. He wakes around 7 am. He goes down for a 30 or 40 min napper around 9. Another longer nap around noon. And the real battle, is getting him to take off his boxing gloves for an afternoon nap. Some days, he will go down again around 3 or 4. If not, it's just a party until bedtime around 7. He never cries for more than 20 minutes before a nap {generally 5 or less} and seems to be getting the hang of this sleep stuff.

While we are not there yet, we are on-track to better times. Jonah is much less overtired. He even wakes up happy most of the time. It's a welcome change. And I am feeling more refreshed, less frazzled and though I get a bit of cabin fever on occasion, it's so much more doable with two well-rested boys.

I know that this is only the beginning of things we do for our kids that are harder on us than on them. But that's a hard reality to grasp. Did you do cry-it-out with your kids? For crying out loud, please tell me I'm not alone...

Month Five...Survived!

2011-11-13T15:42:00.001-08:00

Month Five Highlights

Jonah goes from a weight check weigh-in of 12 lbs and length of 23 in at his 4 month appt to a weight of 13 lbs even just before the beginning of his sixth month
Jonah continues to wear 3 month clothes, size 2 dipes and just slipped on some size large smiles
Jonah's parents start sleep training in month 4. J bird starts to sleep from about 7:00 in the evening until 2 or 3 am. Then again until about 5 or 6 and then wakes for the day, on average, around 7:00
Throughout the fifth month, Jonah's fussing becomes a bit less and happier times abound! Still loving to be held whenever possible, Jonah is finding more things to smile about...giving us more things to smile about
Jonah continues to be roly poly and enjoys tummy and mat time in small segments
Jonah takes about 4 naps a day. Three 30-40 minute naps and one hour+ snooze, depending on the day
Jonah's GI intolerance

Mommy still says no to dairy and soy
Fussy times still occur but seem to be based on gas/constipation

Jonah continues to battle reflux

Mommy eats some spicy foods and also gets away with caffeine on occasion
Jonah still takes Prevacid 2x daily

Food! Jonah starts on solids... while sweet potatoes, squash, bananas and prunes seem too tough on his little tummy, we may have found the trick in pears and oatmeal (earlier intro of solids is in an effort to assist with tummy troubs and reflux woes)
Jonah coos and smiles more and more. He is becoming more vocal and enjoys his winkel (not what you're thinking
Month five was smoother, yet again, than its predecessors and I think we're in a much better place now.

Here's the Poop...

2011-11-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

We really know how to have a good time at the Brehm house. Starting a week ago, Friday, Adam and I sequestered the family for the weekend. We would not be leaving the house, come hell or high water. We would be tackling a gruesome twosome... potty training a toddler and nap/sleep training an almost 5 month old.

It wasn't as though we'd scheduled this funfest months back ... nor had we been looking forward to either of these harrying highlights. But the stars aligned. And so, we decided to take on two parenting pickles with one weekend.

Here's the poop on the potty training. Barrett, now 2 and 3/4 years old, has shown interest here and there but anytime Adam and I would say, "Do you want to sit on the potty (like with no diaper)?" we quickly heard a "No. Not." from a very bullheaded B. So, we waited. Until Friday. After a morning playdate with Barrett's pre-school pal, Barrett chittered and chattered about his penchant for the potty. So. Saturday would be the day. With no pre-school on Tuesday, we'd have a 5 day stretch to devote to going doodoo in the potty.

I picked up a book at Barnes and Noble and Adam and I perused the pages Friday night over a glass of wine {yeah. we're oldish}. I have never been a "parenting book reader" but I wanted to check myself before I wrecked myself {and B's love for the porcelain tower}. The book suggests that in potty training boys, you can try it in sessions. We chose not to start with a sesh but rather use little morsels from other moms {thank you. you know who you are}, a few pages from the book, and a little hope and a prayer. We woke up Saturday morning, ready to take on the world. Scads of warm fuzzy feelings - check. Potty - check. Underwear - check. M&M's - check. Barrett on board - check.

Six accidents, no successes, and a sugared up Barrett later...Saturday was a wash. Adam and I were feeling defeated and exhausted. Barrett was likely full of anxiety. And I texted my sister to see if she thought we should continue. Her suggestion was yes. Sunday morn, we got back on the proverbial horse.

The next morning, Barrett barely even wanted to step into his undies. He was {understandably} put off from the prior day. But! Never fear! A sticker chart {err... a piece of paper with marker-drawn boxes} yielded just enough incentive to wet his appetite rather than his pants {of course, we followed every time he attempted to hide}.

Much more fruitful, Sunday was packed with promise. Accident free and several successes, it was 180 degree difference. And now, one week later, having said the word penis more than I would have thought appropriate {turns out, I have boys} and looked at more victories than I have since my nursing home days, we've had two accidents and success after success. So, Barrett stepped up to the challenge and put on his big boy undies and dealt with it {with the help of a little bit of ~~bribery~~ positive reinforcement}. Atta boy, B.

I'm not daft. I know there could be some dirty days ahead but for now, we're calling it a win. We do need to get past his affinity for stripping completely naked and often times wanting the light off and door closed, but those things will come with time...and practice.

A few of the funnies...
To the Wal-Greens clerk: "I have underwear! I wear big boy underwear because I have a big boy penis!"
To me, every time he goes: "Mommy! Come look! I poopdied and peedied!"
To those who receive the phone calls after victories: "I poopdied on my potty! Come look!"

Isn't that how parenting goes? Just when you think it's literally gone to shit, it starts to turn around. One moment, it can seem so trying and the next, so rewarding {I think we all know, I so rarely use that word without sarcasm so that is a big testament}. So, there's the poop...

*I've not been on vacay, I've been being a SAHM to a toddler and a very short-napping 5 month old... I will soon provide a bevy of blogposts on all things Barrett and Jonah.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T12:03:00.001-07:00

The Breast of the Story...

2011-10-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

Whew. Month four is out the door. And as, usual, in full disclosure, there were, quite honestly, days I thought I wouldn't see the end of September. It was a doozy. Jonah continued his tummy troubs, Barrett had some true toddler times and Adam traveled three times for work. So the fact that we made it through {note to new moms: you almost always make it through}, well, that was an accomplishment in and of itself.

Around the beginning of month three, I started to feel more in control of this new normal that we are living at the Brehm house. I started to feel less tired (notsomuch less exhausted) and started to get back into the swing of things. So now that I feel like we're even further out of the weeds, I wanted to revisit a few topics and numero uno on that list, breastfeeding.

I felt like I should revisit the topic of breastfeeding for all those moms/would-be-moms/want-to-be moms who are grappling with the topic. I want to make sure I keep you abreast of all the pertinent information ... because in case you missed the other million and two times I stated it, breastfeeding is a whole bundle of work and I don't at all feel like a boob for admitting it.

People will tell you that the first 6 weeks are the most difficult when taking a little one to the teat. While I will admit, the first 6 weeks are a hot mess of milky breast, I would add that really, with the first 12 weeks there can be quite the learning curve. And I think this is important to know...it's sort of like how people assume colic lasts three months and then you're 3 and a half months in and are wallowing in self-doubt as your wee little wailer croons on ... babies are just not that cut and dry. And breastfeeding is no exception. It wasn't until 12 weeks in that I peaced out the pumping entirely, had a latch on mr. lefty and could get used to feeding in public again without shweating out my shirt. It was around that same time that my entire world ceased of smelling like I'd spritzed a generous dosage of eau de boob and my knockers quit leaking every time I heard my babe bawling.

Jonah continues to belly up to the boob about 6-8 times a day although lately, it's been on the higher side as he's recently decided that nighttime feedings are worth the fuss. Some different issues I've encountered with my tap this time around have been overactive letdown {which I'm thinking may make Jonah really good at kegstands some day}, foremilk/hindmilk imbalance {think more skim and not enough 2%}, the whole MSPI mess, and now, feeling like my supply is taking a dip. Because of my overactive letdown and the foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, Mr. Jonah visits one side per session and because of his gassy gut, we've learned it's imperative that if he screams through a feeding, he must get a good burp in order for screaming to cease. On the flipside, Jonah must have inherited his daddy's chugging abilities as little J can drain my ducts in around 7 minutes flat so Barrett is no longer neglected for nearly an hour when Jonah needs the nipple.

Don't take my aforementioned mammary morsels as notes that I think you should ditch the whole sitch...there are some major benefits to giving the babe the boob. First and foremost, I think the immunity that breastmilk brings is second to none and with a snotty, germy big brother around, Jonah can use all the feel-good antibodies mama's milk has to offer. Second, I rarely have to spend time washing bottles because I carry my cartons everywhere I go. And of course, there's less wait to shed the weight when you are feeding a whole person with your pair.

There are still moments when I think about formula and have daydreams of the fuss-free days it could bring... Jonah and Barrett, skipping through a field of flowers, holding hands and being happy as can be... but then I think about the 4 months I've already put in. The groundwork we laid from day 7 working with MilkWorks. The things I can buy with the money I'd be spending on {the recommended really freakin' spendy specialized Elecare} formula. And then I figure, I might as well milk this time around for all it's worth. And while some scream-filled feedings make it seem ~~udderly~~ utterly impossible to be the ~~breast~~ best set of milk jugs for my little man, I figure that this too shall pass {note to new moms: it almost always passes} and I will come out stronger on the other side.

Ultimately, each momma has to decide what she wants to do with her mammaries. And while I have chosen to let our little guys guzzle directly from the faucet, there's no telling what the future may bring. But for now...that's the breast of the story.

Leverage...

2011-10-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Adam and I often ~~admit~~ joke that parenting a toddler is simply a series of negotiations, bribes, and bargains. We're constantly finding that Barrett needs incentives to complete tasks, exhibit good behavior and/or get through a grocery trip. And really, why, as adults, should we find this odd? We want performances raises. We want people to say "thanks!" or "job well done!". We want to be rewarded for good behavior. We want fruit snacks... er... you get the idea.

Leverage. Every day leverage. That doesn't have any sugar. Doesn't cost a dime. And doesn't result in spending a half hour on the sofa and whining once the Hot Dog dance begins.

Thank you to the neighborhood Halloween House. Thank you for countless {three times a day} trips to see your {over 40} inflatable Halloween wonderland. Thank you for the neighbors of yours who have embraced it and added their own inflatable flair. Thank you for giving my child a reason to nap. To have good diaper changes. To eat all of his lunch. Thank you for leverage. You rock.

My Guilt Gush...

2011-10-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

In the last 6 months, a few of my friends have dealt with miscarriage. Others, with infertility. And each time, I've felt guilty. I've felt guilty that I have had two successful pregnancies. That I have joked about my ability to exchange glances with Adam and get pregnant. That I complain about my screaming baby. I feel guilty.

"I switched 100% to formula." I was talking with a friend the other day. A new mom. A mom who has been doing the MSPI diet for the last 3 and half months, supplementing hypo-allergenic formula, and pumping at work -- all for one bottle a day of breast milk. And after much thought and effort, she decided to make the switch. "I feel so much better," she said "But I still feel guilty."

Adam's suggested recently that we update my phone to an iPhone. Yes! No. Yes! No. I vacillate between what I want and what I think is a practical investment when we also have two kids to ~~spoil,~~ clothe, feed, and diaper. I think about how guilty I might feel if I get something that spendy as a stay-at-home mom.

Another girlfriend recently stated, "Sometimes I just want to have a day to myself. All to myself. No kids. No schedule. Just my own agenda. But then when I say that out loud... I feel guilty."

When I was my own dog, I felt scant guilt regarding my life decisions. I rarely gave much thought to buying a shirt...going to work...or having a mess in my living room. But as a mom, I find myself feeling guilty about nearly every decision. Weighing even the littlest decisions and ultimately, over thinking ~~most~~ some things to the point of being ~~crazyobsessive~~ a little nutty. Partially, because of my own stuff -- trying to determine every day if I'm doing the right thing for Barrett, Jonah and our family and partially because I worry what another mom might think.

That's just silly, right? Because as the old adage goes, kids often grow up despite their parents, not because of them. And because my mommy mantra is to live and let live. To not judge or care about how another mom chooses to raise her kiddos. To not compare my kids to others. So why do we feel a sense of mama malfeasance?

Why do we do this as parents? Why do we get so guilt-ridden, we so often discount our desires and put ourselves so far in last place that at the end of some days, we've given absolutely no thought to what we might want or need.

Well, we do it first and foremost because we love our children. We do it because our kids are our most important commodity. We do it because those who came before us modeled such selflessness in our upbringing. While I often say I want to afford our kids the best things life has to offer without spoiling them, the dark truth is that the more we have, the more I want to give to Barrett and Jonah.

I decided that in an effort to rid myself of some of that guilt in my gut and on my mind, I am going to set my guilt free... and I hope other mommas will do the same.

Without further ado... my guilt gush... {and so I can wipe out any future guilt... LONG POST ALERT!}

The first gush of guilt I can really remember came when Barrett was born. If you're a loyal reader, you know that I felt tremendously guilty that my body was unable to cook our little chicken to full plump perfection. I felt guilty that Baby B was so itty bitty. And I believed it all to be on me. Adam hadn't been the one carrying him. My doctor hadn't been the one with the high blood pressure. It was me. And I felt awful. And that is just ridiculous.

Staying Home. Crazy, right? Everyone constantly says, "You're so lucky to be able to stay home" but honestly, I often feel guilty about staying home as I know it is a financial sacrifice for our family. Anytime I feel like money is tight, I am wracked with guilt ... if only I were contributing I think. And if I'm not contributing, at least my house should be spotless... and well... that's just not happening.

As a SAHM, I often question if I'm doing the best I can for the boys. Each morning, I feel a tinge of guilt as I pop Barrett's waffle into the toaster or pour his cereal. I mean, c'mon, I stay home, right? I should be getting together gourmet meals and planning theme weeks for the wee ones complete with making our own snacks and craft projects to boot. But toaster waffles are his fave. He loves them and the PB&J he eats on an all too frequent basis. So, I take the easy road. And as I travel down that easy road, I carry with me, a napsack full of guilt.

Thinking about not staying home. In much contradiction to my guilt of staying at home, when I think of going back to full-time work, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. I feel like I shouldn't be wishing for that because everyone tells me that this time...this precious time with our wee ones...goes much too fast. It will be gone in a blink. And yet, I know that by 5 o clock on any given Wednesday, I may be caught thinking maybe I am not cut out for this...still...after 2.5 years.

Breastfeeding. Okay. This is a funny one. But I sometimes feel guilty breastfeeding my babes with their oh-so-sensitive bellies. I sometimes feel like I need to let go and just do formula. That after doing the diet and making so many adjustments, they still scream. So often, as Jonah is a-wailin, I find myself feeling horribly guilty for having potentially caused what is brewing in his belly.

Thinking about switching to formula. Okay... you may already get it...two sides to many of momma's decisions make for natural guilt... am I doing what's right...what's best. In the moments when I've tossed around the idea of formula, I've felt guilty for that... I did it for Barrett...I breastfed a year...I owe it to each of my children...not just breastfeeding but the commitment to them.

As Jonah screams and Barrett screams over him, I find my patience wearing thin. And... yep... you guessed it... I feel guilty. I feel bad that I am not cool as a cuke but rather short-fused and frazzled. I feel bad that I am more snappy than happy in some moments with my little man. And I question why patience doesn't pack on with the pregnancy pounds. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Me time. The hardest part of being parents is often times, the logistics of it all. How do we have time with our kiddos... time with just each other... and then, time for ourselves? And how do I not feel a wee bit of guilt when a)we have time away and b)I get to have me time and Adam does not? It's just a very complicated dance and well, I'm just not a great dancer.

That was quite the laundry list and I'm sure there's more. And I am happy to hang it out there. Because maybe, just maybe, it will help me let go of some of the guilt. And perhaps, it will allow me to see just how ridiculous some of it is. And maybe it will nudge other mamas to do the same.

At the end of the day, with our kids, all we want to do is be the very best we can and give all we have to give. We want to invest everything we have into our little loves...to show them that to someone, they are the world. And ultimately, to create the very best little human beings ever to grace the green earth. And because we've never been so emotionally invested in anything, it's easy to question every little part of parenting. I am slowly learning that the best I can be for my kids is happy. That the most I can give them is love. And that to me, no matter what, they will, at times, be the very best little human beings ever to be.

So guilt and worry, be gone. Overthinking, pack your bags. And I don't feel guilty for giving you the boot. At least for today.

Month Four... Out the Door...

2011-10-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Month Four Highlights

Jonah goes from a weight check weigh-in of 10 pounds 12 ounces to 11 lbs 7 oz ... his weight gain slowed a bit in the fourth month. We will see what his length and head measurements are at his 4 month well check.
Jonah continues to wear 3 month clothes.
Jonah's sleep has become somewhat sporadic. Some nights he has a 6 or more hour stretch of sleep while others, he wakes 4 times to eat.
Throughout the fourth month, Jonah continued his screaming and fussing antics. It became much less constant however and also generally appears in the evening hours.
Jonah goes from occasional 2 hour naps to 20 minute naps 3 or 4 times a day. He continues to fight sleep just like his brother did as a baby and on many occasions, it will take 45 minutes to an hour to get him into sweet slumber.
Mommy and daddy continue to try to figure out the evenings with Jonah and his meds/feeding/bedtime schedule.
Jonah's GI intolerance

Mommy still says no to dairy and soy
Fussy times are less but still unpredictable

Jonah continues to battle reflux

Mommy steers clear of most spicy foods, citrus, caffeine, etc
Jonah switches from Prevacid compound to Solutabs and back to the compound
Jonah starts rice cereal right before the 4 month mark to assist in thickening up his feedings

Jonah rolls over 3 weeks ago from tummy to back
Jonah coos and smiles more and more. He loves watching Barrett and he is our bo binny boy:).
Month four was smoother than three and I think we're seeing the light once again:). Still much to figure out but we've come a long way, baby. All told, he's a pretty sweet little babe.

A little bit about B:

I like to think Barrett is right on track with what toddlers are up to...
Barrett loves his ABC's and now I think it would be funny to get him to do them backwards...we'll see how that goes.
Barrett counts everything. Every. Thing. Whether we're in Target, in the car or at home, he's fascinated with numbers, clocks and letters.
Barrett loves pre-school and we love his pre-school, too!
Barrett's vocabulary {like all kids his age} seems to expand daily and I absolutely can't wait to hear what comes out of his mouth each time he talks.
Barrett continues to love books and has begun "reading" them to us ... just by memorization, of course:).
Barrett loves routine. Loves it. And does not like disruptions to it.
Barrett continues to show his true toddler colors having opinions, tantrums {oh my goodness}, time-outs and irrational moments. He can test mommy's {and daddy's} patience many days but can also be the sweetest little thing you ever did see.

Mommy continues to have tons of blogs in the "drafts" folder. Perhaps this will push her further into her book writing...

Brunettes Have More Fun...

2011-10-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

Okay... maybe not more fun but certainly not less.

I did it. I went dark! Not like Kim Kardashian dark...like Ashli Brehm dark. So here are a few snaps of the fall hue I'm currently rockin...

I'm not certain that it's forevs... but for now, I think I like it.

There is No Place Like Nebraska...

2011-09-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for some football?

Moonlighting on Momaha...

2011-09-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

Check out my guest post on Momaha today regarding Barrett's love of TV.

Click here to check it out!

You're Gonna Miss This...

2011-09-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

I realize I make no bones about my struggles with the newborn stage. I know that I am quite frank {as in &beans or Sinatra} about how my life has changed since becoming a mom. I know that you know I am not afraid to say this ssshh is bananas {ala Rachel Zoe and Gwen Stefani}.

But, at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow {at least on the nights when I don't fall asleep as I get one leg under the sheets}, this is what's going through my heart.

I'll never forget seeing ~~Hootie~~ Darius Rucker sing this just a month or so after B was born. It reduced me to tears {I'm sure you're starting to think "What doesn't reduce you to tears, ash?"} because it is spot on. Spot. On.

Of all of the parts I won't miss with each year of maturity of our little men ... the screaming ... the temper tantrums ... the word NO ... and the dinnertime deadlock ... there are millions of little morsels I will miss immensely.

I will miss having to take cars out of my shoes before I slip them on. I will miss having to take toys out of the bathtub before I draw a bath. I will miss the word Nope. I will miss hearing "I wuv you, mommy". I will miss the sweetness of little loving laughter. I will miss belly giggles. I will miss the feeling of holding a soft breathing, calm peanut on my chest and rocking back...and forth. I will miss why.cuz. I will miss the excitement that is displayed at 7 am ... every morning. I will miss only needing to kiss an ouchie to make it better. I will miss watching the anticipation for the simplest of things. I will miss taking walks and playing I spy. I will miss big smiles on small faces. I will miss the goos and coos. I will miss folding such little laundry. I will miss the smell of Pampers. I will miss time with boys and books. I will miss the incessant curiosity. I will miss feeling so needed. I will miss coloring with reckless abandon. I will miss singing to sleep. I will miss the whir of a monitor in my sleep. I will miss weekends with no real obligations. I will miss chasing bubbles in the wind. I will miss bath night. I will miss bedtime prayers. I will miss onesies. I will miss being reminded of how much joy one can derive from dancing. I will miss pretend. I will miss endless energy. I will miss peanut butter and jelly being the key to happiness. I will miss naptime. I will miss more than I won't.

Of course, I won't miss all of the aforementioned things right now ... instead, I will complain about having toys wreak havoc on my house, be frustrated with the 100th why of the day, and groan when the wakeup is earlier than I'd prefer. Instead, I will enjoy the moments, the morsels, the brilliance of my boys. But I know. I know I won't ever get this time back. I know it won't ever be this simple again. I know. I'm gonna miss this.

My Favorite Blonde...

2011-09-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

I started my life like this:

me. a 4 month old chunka smiling love.

and then as I grew, I looked like this:

me. a wee pup.

me. fantab flower power {check the pants}

me. my brother and sister may kill me for this one.

me. future so bright...yadda yadda yadda.

So anyway. Proof in point, I am {er, was} a blonde. I mean, if you saw me today, you'd think I'm a blonde. Blue eyes. Swedish heritage. Fair, splotchy, ruddy skin. Golden {extremely highlighted} locks. All the makings of a blonde.

My mom wouldn't let us color or highlight our hair in high school so the first time I dealt with dye was after a break-up in college which resulted in my normally blonde locks taking on more of an orange-ish tone {just one more reason that guy and I won't ever be friends again}. And ever since then, I feel like my blonde has gone downhill. Like so many childhood blondes, I've now labeled my locks with words such as dirty, dishwater and washed up blonde.

After my first bout with the box of dye, I regularly colored my hair {or as regularly as I could afford in college.} and then once I started making money, and kept my locks sheared short, my trips to highlight my head were scheduled once monthly {I know. It hurts just thinking about the moolah I shelled out to shine my strands.}. Now, I sched with the stylist once every 2 and half monthsish and as a mom of two, I'm continuously searching for an even lower maintenance solution.

So I'm thinking of doing this:

not sitting on this chair... just the hair color.

But here's my fear. I know that my BFF Courtney's {We hang out every Monday night. She's on Most Eligible Dallas...yet another reality show I just can't turn away from} hair doesn't look like mine and it's also not really that dark but I tried dark once before and it didn't go well.

You didn't know? Well, unless you worked at Waggener Edstrom with me during the 48 hours in which my hair was this color ... you wouldn't.

Yep. Just 48 hours. First because I was a little unsure of it and second because when Adam picked me up the sound of his voice stating "Oh. I didn't know it was going to be so dark" was enough to reduce me to tears. So several washes with Pert later, I was back to a blonde bombshell {or at least a blonde}.

Plus, as a blonde, I get told that I bare resemblance to

Amanda Detmer. People just say "that girl from Saving Silverman".

Goldie Hawn. The young one. Not the current. Not being a hater, Goldie. Just sayin'.

Meg Ryan. Okay. Specifically Top Gun Meg Ryan and specifically only ONE person ever told me this. And it was when my hair was short. But I like it so I 'm going with it.

So what to do, what to do? I suppose I can always go back because my roots are blonde {like my life roots. not my hair roots} and my spirit is, too. But I'd hate to find out that blondes really do have more fun. Is age only a number and hair only a color ... well, that doesn't make sense. But I think you know what I'm asking.

My appointment is Saturday so if you see me, just tell me you like it, whatever I choose. And if I go darker it doesn't have to be forevs... after all, hair today, gone tomorrow.

The Sing-Off...

2011-09-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

Okay. I know this post will make me a complete Gleek, music nerd, loser... whatever label you want to pin on me for this but I am OBSESSED with the Sing-Off. If you like music AT ALL ... it's a must-watch. We started watching it two "seasons" ago and I have to shave my legs after every single episode and not because it necessarily makes me want to get jiggy with it but because the music is just that good.

Nick Lachey is a little tool-esque with his secret "gift card" he peaks into during the elimination business and the wait for the reveal is long enough for me to go change out the laundry, go to the bathroom, eat a piece of corn off the cob and pick the pieces out of my teeth but other than that, it's a pretty rockin' good time.

If you must know, I fancied myself a music nerd in high school. And I was good with it. So, I have no shame in telling you ... WATCH IT. Check it here, peeps.

*Of note: Ben Folds is a judge and he's just adorable.
**Also of note: It's hilarious when Nick Lachey says things like "It's incredible that this is all without music.". Mmm. Yeah. It's acappella.

Your Love is Like Bad Medicine...

2011-09-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

Where have I been? Well, in the weeds. The weeds, you say? Oh yes. The weeds of the first three months of newborn madness. And anyone who tells you that a newborn is easy ... they're taking some heavy sedatives. Now, in all fairness, I am told, by several sources that not all newborns are under 5 pounds. Not all breastfeeding moms pump like Reeboks circa 1994. Not all nuggets latch on and start screaming incessantly. Not all peanuts scream their pants off for 5 hours a day.

MMMM HMMMM.... you read that right. Tuesday was the pinnacle of our preemie's pandemonium. 5 hours. Cinco horas. No matter what language you use, it translates the same. But in all reality, every momma has their own version of madness with a newbie.

With Adam out of town on business and me with our two munchkins, there was bound to be some insanity but add to that, incessant screaming and it's just plain, bad news Brehms. So here's a bit of the back story...

Jonah is on Prevacid. He takes {or rather, we administer ... because he's not just walking to the fridge on his own two feet these days} 1.3 ml, two times a day. The medicine is meant to help with his rampant reflux. And baby reflux is like a mix of heartburn, gassy gut and adult reflux. And it results in screaming fits in which Jonah's face would match a Husker jersey and tears flow like wine {the wine I'm not drinking, because it bothers his reflux}. It's just no bueno. But I'm told, we just gotta make it through. And we have to make sure that with each weight adjustment, Jonah's meds are manipulated as well {and have I told you Jonah's a chunka chunka almost 11 pounds}.

A week ago, we started to realize that we were doing the reflux ramba, the tummy two-step, the heartburn ... well, you get the idea and that after a few weeks that seemed to be better... it just got worse...and got worse fast... one step forward, two steps back. Poor mr. Jonah man. With dairy and soy out of my diet {and all that other business that I posted about weeks ago}, I couldn't put my finger on it. And then, I remembered.

Prevacid for babies is a mix of a solutab and a solution. The two things have to be compounded by the pharmacy. Following the Prevacid coming home, it must always be refrigerated. For the best efficacy, it should be administered 2 times a day, 12 hours apart and a half hour before feeding. BUT. When Barrett took the very same meds, we noticed that even though the script was meant for 4 weeks, the intended outcome seemed to be reduced. It's like this.

I mean, sort of. Or at least, that gave me the opportunity to post Bon Jovi on BOTB. But you get the gist... it's like Bad Medicine. But really, bad medicine is not all we need...it's the last thing we need. So. Just like with Barrett, we're doing two week prescriptions and after the first hairy days of Jonah readjusting to actually being on the meds again after a couple weeks on the decline, he's presenting a much happier spirit. And let me tell you ladies, hold on to your hearts because now that I've seen Jonah's smile, I can tell you, he's going to be just as much as a heartbreaker as Mr. B.

This is not to say he's peachy keen 100% of the time, or even 80% but I do think that I'm back to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And hey, at least we've got a great song to add to the soundtrack of J's first days.

10 Years Later...

2011-09-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

I had just walked out of my PR class. It was a gorgeous fall morning. Absolutely gorgeous. But the world around us had turned ugly. And I didn't even know.

"Hey... the Pentagon ... got hit." I'd run into my friend, Abby, and she relayed the news. Just of the Pentagon. It wasn't until I got to the Campus Union that I saw the footage. The people, amassed in front of the big screen tv next to the Caffeina Cafe.

The first tower was hit.

Then the second.

I went back to the house. I found my sister. I was crying. I called my mom on the house phone.

"What's going on, Mom?"
"I don't know, Ashli. We love you."

There was more. But I can't recall what it entailed.

It was just weird. Surreal. The whole day was full of fear. I watched as they reported that President Bush was in Omaha. NO. Please. Don't tell the crazies that he's in Omaha. He later recited the 23rd Psalm. The words had never meant so much to me.

I was one of the people who rushed to give blood. Not knowing it wasn't really the best thing for the day. Because they'd be needing it for months to come.

We made a banner, because it's what we could do ... Do your part. Have a heart. Donate Blood.

And I couldn't take my eyes off the coverage. All day long. I sat in the TV room with my sorority sisters. I was paralyzed with fear.

As I got into my top bunk that night. I didn't want to close my eyes. What if tomorrow was worse? What if this was it? What if... what if... what if. And I prayed. So hard. And just hoped that tomorrow would be.

And for the first few weeks, months, year... each day was a little scary. And then we started to move past. Forget. Not forgetting the day. Where we were. But the feeling. Of being under attack. Of needing to pull together. To be one nation. United.

Every year. For the rest of my life. I will remember where I was. How I'd never been so scared in my life. How I thought it was the end of things. And how I just wanted my family. To hold them. To tell them I loved them. That, at the end, it was the people... not the things... that mattered. Just like everyone always said.

Where were you... have you forgotten? How did 9/11 change you?

Just a Little Bit of Sunshine...

2011-09-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

Some days you just need a little reminder...

B to the Pre...

2011-09-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

School, that is! Barrett is off and running ... watch out world!

Moving On Up...

2011-08-23T20:56:00.000-07:00

Our little Jonah bug is moving on up...to the north side... And he's got a deluxe big boy bed in the sky-y-y-y. Okay, not big boy bed like BED... but, he would now be eligible to be a tour guide on MTVs Cribs {or is it CMTs Cribs now? I can't keep up with what the young whippersnappers are watching these days...}.

With Barrett on a little stay-cation at Gma and Gpa B's house, we decided it was a terrific time to transition our J Bird up to his new nest. So, I took the laundry basket out of his crib, picked up the clothes that Barrett feels the need to remove {daily} from Jonah's drawers and moved the video monitor to his crib. And just like that, Jonah's stay in our suite was complete. And let me tell you, I was a wee bit uneasy over it all.

When we had Barrett, he did not spend one single slumber in our parental pad. You see, I was not going to let a child sleep in my room. I was not about to let a child all up in my grill...in the space that was reserved for relaxation and frisky fun with my husband. Hilarious. Absoultely hilarious. You know why this is hilarious? Well, the reasons are countless. But let me share just a few.

1. We live in a one and a half story house in which our bedroom is on one floor and the great green room is on the other. I have to trek up. And down. And up. And down. For every feeding. Extremely practical.
2. In some sort of delusional world, I imagined having time to relax in the first few weeks following the fruition of our fetus.
3. In another delusional world, I imagined having interest in getting frisky in the first few weeks following the birth of our babe.
4. I wasn't going to be one of those people who let my child take over my life.

HILARIOUS.

Here are the realities in our second time around the son...

1. Trudging up and down the stairs while in a zombie-like state resulted in, not one ... not two ... but THREE trips and tumbles down those stairs in the first 6 weeks of Barrett's existence. So, we said no to this nonsense with Jonah and I've not had to worry about taking a tumble as of yet.
2. Relaxation, other than while sleeping, is not a luxury that a new mom generally experiences. At least not at our house where the babes are bite-sized and the bellies are bubbly.
3. Frisky fun in the first few weeks ... hysterical. Absolutely. Not. Going. To. Happen. Over. Here.
4. Not only did both of our boys "take over our lives" but we welcomed this with open arms and invited it in. And never looked back. Nor would we ever want to.

So, nearly two and a half months post-partum, we've moved our little man upstairs. And this time around, I was a nervous Nelly about the new space for our nugget. I missed knowing he was right there. I could feel that he wasn't there. I knew that while this would be a good time to transition, I had gotten so comfortable with having him in our space and wasn't certain I wanted it to end. But, alas ... the transition is complete and Jonah was a rock star through his first upstairs slumber. Next thing you know, the boys will be moving on up to college... okay...not really. But sort of.:)

The Right Stuff...

2011-08-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

Babes need stuff. Lots o stuff. Monitors, swings, play yards, blankies, binkies, diapers, lovies, blah blah blah... But how do you know what the right stuff is?

Well, you could ask NKOTB...

But let's be real, NKOTB are not necessarily known as authorities on parenting, nor are they terribly accessible to the every day momma.

So, instead you could ask a mom of two {fabulous} little boys. Before having Jonah, you may remember me blogging about things I'd purchased in prep for the peanut and asking what people can't live without. And now that we've been deep in the trenches again with a newbie, I have a revised list of sought after stuff for the Brehm boys. Some of the items are repeats but it's because they have been tried and true through two!

Here is just some of the stuff we are crushin' on at Casa de Brehm...

Aden and Anais Swaddle blankets - My friend Jess told me that these were a must-have before I had Jonah {they were non-existent, to my knowledge, when we bore B} and I was gifted the Super Star swaddler from another good friend {thanks, Carissa!} and I LOVE it. It's just the right weight ... especially for the summer months. And while we don't swaddle our little Jonah bug too often, it's great for a car seat snuggler and it washes up just as soft as it started. If only these blankets were about 12 times larger, I would use them for my sheets. But, alas...

My Little Lamb Cradle n Swing - We registered for this swing for Barrett {and were gifted it from gma and gpa B}, based only on aesthetics {I didn't want anything that looked to "kid" ... HA!} and it once again continues to be a winner {winner chicken dinner}. I love that it can swing either front to back or side to side and I love the cradle design. And while every so often, the music sounds a little wonky, we've not once changed the batteries in all the time we've had it running under our roof.

JJ Cole Diaper Caddy - We keep this little puppy in the living room and I think it's freakin' fantastic. Not only is it cute and sleek, it's also quite handy dandy. Complete with a spot for dipes, wipes, a pocket for a changing pad and a drawer for diaper cream, this caddy is a catch.

Baby Bjorn Synergy - For Barrett, we were fortunate enough to borrow a Bjorn from our friend, Melissa. For Jonah, grandma and grandpa E offered to purchase us our own complete carrier. We chose the new stylin' Synergy because of its extra back support and mesh make-up and so far, it's shown us its stuff. Both of our boys have behaved rather favorably in the Bjorn brand and this one does not disappoint.

Bebe Au Lait Nursing Cover - This hooter hider {Not my term ... really what these pups are called} is a must-have for milkin' mamas. Have cape, will travel. And that I do. With Jonah Bug, I've been able to open up the Breastaurant every which where because of this carton cover. This little ditty is the perfect find for moms-to-be who plan to breastfeed but don't want to hide inside the house for the first year of their little one's life.

Chicco KeyFit 30 Infant Carseat - I've made no secret to those who know me about my complete and utter adoration for this carseat/travel system. I will admit that it's spendy but I could think of few things better to spend handfuls of cash on for our precious cargo. It clicks in and out of the car with ease. It's dummy proof -- designed with a built-in level to show you if it's placed correctly in the car. And the best part for us -- it's one of a few carseats that is intended for under 5 pound peanuts. Additionally, ours has shown very little wear and tear and washes up incredibly well.

Boppy - The boppy. Ahhhh. {Swoon}. I love you, Boppy. Nursing with a boppy allows me to be a little lazy {especially at 2:34 am} and for Jonah to be a comfy cat {Note: The cover pictured in the link is the one I have and it's softy soft soft}. I've never tried a "My Breast Friend" but hear good things about this booby bolster as well. I will say that the boppy is not as helpful in the beginning of nursing because you need 12 hands, 6 well placed pillows and a waiter with a martini to get the babe on the boob but once the 6 week mark hits and nursing becomes less work, the Boppy is a too hip to be square.

So there you have it, a list of some of the right stuff, {for our} babies. Other things I've been eyeing lately include the Nap Nanny, the Bjorn baby seat {it looks like a bouncy-ish seat}, and a Bumbo but for now, there are just a few of our flava faves of the moment.

2 Months...Same, Same...

2011-08-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

We had Jonah's 2 month appointment yesterday and he passed with flying colors! Here are the stats...

Weight: 9 lbs 2 oz - 5th % {if you know us then you know this is the first time we've been above 1%}
Length: 20 3/4 in - 1%
Head: 38.1 cm - 11% {woop woop!! First time in double digits!!}

We talked about Jonah's colic, his sleeping, his one eye that is currently a little crossed, and he got 2 vaccinations {both he and B have been on a sort of delayed scheduling because of being low birth weight babes and having tummy trials}. All in all, the visit with our dear dr. d was a success {LOVE HER. And all of VP peds}.

Following the appointment, I came home to investigate what B's two month stats {yes, the comparisons have already begun and will likely never end} were and ended up perusing this post here. Although the weight was different {B was just over 7.5 lbs at 2 months}, I couldn't help but chuckle at the other glaring similarities between Barrett and Jonah's post-partum journeys. We are starting to see glimpses of light at the end of the tum trouble tunnel and at four months, will begin solids {a common choice for refluxers} and reintroduce foods one by one that have been eliminated from my diet.

So, for the second time around, while the first few weeks had me thinking differently, in the words of Barrett, it's pretty much, same, same.

Menu for a Milk-Free Mama...

2011-08-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

As I start to add up all the things I've eliminated from my current diet due to Jonah's gassy gut, I sometimes throw a little pity party for one {start perusing labels for a few days. Milk is in a lot of stuff. A lot. Even McDonald's french fries have milk in them. Who knew?}. Understandably so...milk does a body good. While I'm sure some would argue with me, imo, the sans-dairy-diet really isn't that healthy... especially if you are eating on the fly {like a G6}. And while modified diets are more and more common these days {Vegetarian, Vegan, Gluten-free, Dairy-Free, etc}, there's still a fair amount of groundwork to do in order to make sure you're not accidentally eating the eliminated items.

So when I am having a pity party, I just think about the things that are saving me from this sans-milk-n-other-goodness madness. For one, Sonic. I heart Sonic's sodas. In fact, I drive very much out of the way in order to have my hands on a Sonic foam cup complete with crushed ice. It's a love affair of sorts. And don't worry, Adam is good with it. In fact, he loves it, too. As does Barrett. And because, by proxy, it makes Jonah happy as well, Sonic is a win-win-win.

BUT, should you ever be a milking momma who goes on a modified diet post-partum, here are some suggestions from a second time elimination lactation station {I know it doesn't really make sense, but good enough, right?}.

Here are the things I don't eat at all:
Anything with dairy {the label reads - Contains: Milk -- you'd be surprised how confusing this can be for ppl}
Anything with soy protein {I do eat foods with soy lecithin and soybean oil}

Here are the things I steer clear of {I'll eat them if I am just over it and absolutely can't locate any other options}:
Citrus
Wine
Chocolate {yes, there is dairy-free chocolate}
Eggs
Spicy foods
Onions
Beans
Broccoli
Peppers
Pre-packaged lunch meats
Caffeine
Salsa
Liquor
Tomato sauce

Here are the things that are saving my life:
Rotella's Bread products {yay for local breadmaker Rotella's!}
Trader Joe's lunch meat {no fillers or dairy emusifiers}
Hormel Naturals lunch meat {same same}
Most Tyson frozen chicken products {I know. It's processed chicken stuff but hey, no dairy!}
Natural JIF peanut butter {pb toast every morn for bkfast}
Trader Joe's Vanilla Joe Joe's {like vanilla oreo's. a delicious treat when treats are a rarity without dairy}
Vanilla Almond Milk {I've tried rice. Coconut. I've tried plain almond. I personally prefer vanilla almond}
Mixed nuts {who doesn't like being a little nutty}
Johnsonville Bratwursts {bratwurst pudding. bratwurst stew. Is there anything a brat can't do?!:)}
Sonic Fanta with Vanilla {LOVE. Don't even care that it's full sugar. LOVE.}
Sonic Sprite Zero with Diet Cherry {Very few places have Sprite Zero... caffeine and cal free!}
Stacy's Pita Chips
Wheat Thins
Sabre Hummus {preferably coupled with one of the two above items}

Of course, I also have fresh fruits and veggies, fish, red meat, chicken, and salads {check your dressings. You'd be surprised where dairy is hidden}. My very fave thing though, is Sonic sodas. A guilty pleasure that can be handled by Jonah's gurgling gut. And while I know I'll be sad when it's the middle of the winter and everyone is carrying around their Starbucks sips and the like, at least I've got a little Sonic on my side. But obviously in order to keep the Breastaurant operating, I need a little more than soda to fill my cartons. What is your fave sans-milk substance/stuff/sustenance {I could go on all day...}?

Meet Me in St. Louie, Louie...

2011-08-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

We took our first roadtrip as the fab four this past week. We packed up the Jeep {soooo, I forgot how much crap you take with a newborn ... and how much the Jeep shrunk once we had Jonah ... and that it used to take me all day to pack when we first had Barrett.} We left on Wednesday night and did half the trip and because of fitting in feedings and the current detours on I-80 et al it took us a bit longer than it normally would {5 hours to Kansas City is normal, right?}.

From Kansas City, Barrett and cousin, Davis, hopped in with Gma and Gpa E and Adam, Jonah and I made the remainder of the trip to St. Lou in much silence. I know, you're thinking you misread. But Jonah came through with flying colors and we were spared {for the most part} from the insanity of a screaming baby in the backseat. Having become quite accustomed to Baby J screaming his way throughout Omaha, down to Wilber, down to Beaver Lake and anywhere else we travel, we were pleased as punch with his general disposition while traveling. I'm assuming that part of this beauty can be attributed to an increase in meds two days prior and part of it, to God's good grace, I suppose. The ride home was a bit hairier {have I mentioned lately that Barrett won't nap on the road? Yep. It's awesome.} but in the end, we survived and in parenting, I call that a win.

This was our fourth annual Eickman family summer vacation {a birthday gift from my parents to each of us kiddos} and each summer, we look forward to spending time with my siblings, their spouses and children. The trip grows larger each year, as it has increased by at least one little addition with each trip ... the first year, in Des Moines, we had just one little boy in tow - Davis. This year, there were 5 little men - Davis, Drew, Will, Barrett, and Jonah - and with one more baby currently on the way, this trend will seemingly continue for the forseeable future.

As I've mentioned before, for me, traveling with little ones is a trip not a vacation. A vacation includes drinks, no babies to feed, sleeping in {or at least waking up on my own accord}, eating whenever and wherever and not scheduling around naptime. However, for the next many moons, our lives will be trippy and there's not a thing wrong with that.

Barrett and the cousins played their way through the days with trips to The Magic House {the most incredible Children's Museum I've ever stepped foot in} and Grant's Farm while Jonah and the magic cape nursed their way through St. Louis, bellying up to the boobfet at the Magic House, Grant's Farm, happy hours, gas stations and the like. We did one dinner out {quite a feat with 5 boys aged 4, 3, 2, 18 months and 2 months} and enjoyed swimming at the pool. The boys provided much entertainment and had us in stitches for much of the trip.

Given our current sleeping situation, I think Adam and I were beyond exhausted at points but we wouldn't have missed it for the world. Good times were had by the whole gang and while we didn't get to see all of St. Louie, I was actually rather fond of the destination. Not sure where next summer will take us but if nothing else, perhaps they will meet me in St. Louie, Louie...

Momaha Moonlighting...

2011-08-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Check me out on Momaha today! Click here.

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Month Two ... Made it Through...

2011-08-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

Month Two Highlights:

Jonah ceases {most of the time} peeing mid-diaper change. Mommy and daddy elate in changing less outfits.
Jonah goes from a weight check weigh-in of 5 pounds 11 ounces to 8 pounds 8 ounces!
Jonah dons duds {and dipes} in newborn at first of month and works his way into 0-3 or {Carter's} 3 month. He no longer "looks preemie".
Jonah still wakes every three-ish hours through the night to eat.
Throughout the second month, Jonah screams and screams...and screams. He hates riding in the car.
Jonah must be held. All. the. time. All the time.
After a weigh-in, Jonah's meds are increased by 40% which results in a MUCH happier Baby J {just in time for vacation}
Jonah enjoys his first Czech Days in Wilber and then, his first family trip ... to St. Louis {including surviving a 7+ hr car ride}
Jonah's GI intolerance

Mommy still says no to dairy ... and most soy.
Fussy times are whenever, wherever

Jonah continues to battle reflux

Grunts in sleep
Mommy steers clear of most spicy foods, citrus, and of course, dairy

Jonah continues to sleep in mommy and daddy's bedroom. And likely will until we have only one nightly feeding.
Jonah continues to look like an old man but holds his head up quite well.
Jonah coos and smiles! First smile just one day shy of two months ... mommy is elated!
Barrett continues to fall in love with "baby Jonah". When he wants to talk to him, he gets very close and whispers who-knows-what to his "baby brawver Jonah".
Month two was more trying than month one. Mommy had a few {okay, at least 4} mega meltdowns after {entire} days spent holding and consoling a crabby/crying/cringing babe. With the change of medication, happier times seem to be headed our way!

Czech it Out...

2011-08-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

My mom is 100% Swedish {she's undoubtedly the tannest Swede in existence}. My dad is pretty much German {with a name like Eickman, there's no hiding it}. But I was, for the most part, raised Czech. And I loved it.

As I've blogged about before, I grew up in a small town {yes... you can see I have a wee obsession with my small town upbringing}. Wilber, to be exact. Located in the southeast corner of the Cornhusker state, Wilber is home to around 1700 residents. It has one high school. It has a Legion park with ball fields and tennis courts and a City park with playground equipment. During the hot summer months, the city pool is packed and during the fall, the football field is home to many a fan on a Friday night. I heart the fact that I got to grow up there. Growing up there, for me, was a slice of the good life.

And for all you who think small towns are filled with small minds, let me tell you, Wilber is a big deal. Every small town has their schtick. And for Wilber, that schtick is the Czech heritage that flows through it's veins. Wilber is home to a Czech Museum, Czech Bakery, two fantastic meat markets boasting Czech delicacies and plenty of people with last names ending in -cek. In fact, Wilber is so Czech that it is the official Czech Capital of the United States {now you know I'm not joking around about it being a big deal}. And of course, what has to happen in the Czech Capital? Each year during the first weekend in August, Wilber plays host to people {something like tens of thousands} who invade the town for Czech Days. If anything is ever deserving of being called awesomesauce, it's Czech Days.

To me, it's like no other small town festival you've ever seen. For one, because it's the 50th anniversary of the festivities this year, the Budweiser Clydesdales have come to town. But outside of the horsing around... there are Czech dancers to see {I used to be one of them}, Czech music to listen and dance to {and really, who doesn't love to polka}, delicious food to enjoy {kolaces, duck, dumpling and sauerkraut ... why am I not eating dairy again???} and of course, beer gardens to frequent.

So, I said above that I was raised Czech ... because in a way, I was. You can't live in Wilber without becoming Czech. The entire town works together to put on Czech Days each year. It is truly the pride of the people who live there. As a child and teen, I took part in Beseda {traditional Czech dancing}, I had a Czech outfit {though not as fancy as several of my friends'}, I "acted" in the Czech Historical Pageant, marched in the band and alumni band in the parades, assisted with the Duck and Dumpling Run and of course, enjoyed the music and festivities. Because that's what it's all about. Being involved and embracing the heritage. And it's what Wilberites have been doing for 50 years over.

So... head down to Wilber, grab a kolace and Czech out the festivities. It officially kicks off tomorrow night and runs through Sunday ... and you know I'll be there. It's even cooler looking at it all now as a parent and hoping Barrett and Jonah enjoy it as much as I do and hoping they grow up a little Czech, too. And I have a good feeling if you do czech out the happenings, you'll soon find yourself wishing you'd grown up Czech, too.

Jonah and the Wail {ing}...

2011-07-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

Colic. It affects craptons of households. It rears it's ugly head around the 3 week mark. It causes screaming for at least 3 hours a day ... for 3 days a week ... for at least 3 weeks ... and disappears around the 3 month mark. It's super fun.

At our house, Jonah's jam sessions usually include 1 to 3 hours during the daytime {not consecutive} and about the same in the eve. There's no method to the madness. No telling when or where it will strike. But when it does, well, you better be ready.

And, if you've never experienced the cries of a colicky babe, then I've got a treat for you.

I just like to share the love with ya {one minute of the love at least}.

We're 3 weeks into Jonah's sad screams and I'm hoping we're at a peaking point. Otherwise, momma's going to move onto something stronger than water and diet soda to grapple with his gripes.

And if you're curious, the big fluffy blankie used in the clip is just one of the tools in our arsenal. As noted in my prior posting, we're reaching deep into our bag of tricks for this little man. More suggestions welcomed.

So, if you don't hear from me for awhile, it's because I'm locked in a dark, quiet room ... er, um ... not really. But maybe:)...

Frolic With Colic...

2011-07-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it would seem that, perhaps, the honeymoon phase of an always sleeping infant came and went at the Brehm house and I am off to buy a lottery ticket. For the countless number of people who swore that no one gets two fussy mcfussertons, I must just be lucky. And thus, my first lotto ticket will be purchased in the very near future {kidding, kidding...sort of}. While the honemoon phase has been over for about two weeks now, I've just not wanted to put pen to the paper ... to say it is so ... to put the truth into the universe because perhaps, it was just the one night... or two... or five. But alas...

First, let me note that I know that babies, in general, are fussy. Some babies {I know of 3. Ever.} are not fussy. I've determined that the parents to those content little babes just can't handle a fussy baby, right? Because that's what everyone tells a mom with a crying little cupcake, "This is only happening to you because you can handle it". Um. Have ya met me? Patience is not exactly my strong suit. And the three mothers I know who bypassed fussy babies, well, they could have handled them with much more finesse and grace than I.

So what's all the fuss about? Well, we don't quite know and I doubt we really ever will. The fussiness ramped up around the 3 week mark and has progressed from that point. In order to truly chronicle the colic, I should have documented it from day one ... but again, I had delusions of grandeur that perhaps, day one, day three and one full week in, were all just fussy flukes. To date, I have completely eliminated dairy from my diet {and will reintroduce at the 4 month mark}. I have steered clear of foods that might agitate acid reflux {tomato sauces, citrus, dairy, wine}. I try to say no way to farty foods {beans, some veggies}. So, I am pretty much living on salad, lunch meat, bratwurst and Vanilla Jo Jo's ... a very balanced diet. I've done the 5 S's {shushing, sucking, swaying, swaddling, side lying} and I may even try them on Jonah soon ... hee hee. But here's the deal when you frolic with colic... it's just going to take time. And even though I totally know that, I want to have control over the situation... because that's what moms do, right?

There is a sunny side of the street, however. Barrett would scream for hours on end. Jonah fusses and cries but the true screaming is not truly nonstop for hours. It's off {for an hour here or there} and then it's on {for an hour here or there}. When it's on, well, it's like donkey kong. But there are sometimes 10 minute blocks where we can quell his cries. Barrett screamed during the daytime. Jonah mostly screams, fusses, fumes, in the evening. From 5:00 to about 9:00 {the true witching hour}, Adam and I take turns swaying, bouncing and jiggling {oh the irony. the same things that got us in this situation...} little Jonah and finally around 9 or 10, he seems to conk out from the spell of colic. The last few days we've seen an increase in daytime screaming sessions... but I am crossing my fingers that hitting the 6 week mark means we will soon be at the peak {I'm not just making that up, right?}.

I've yet to see Jonah smile, except in his slumber. I can recall actually crying the first time I saw Barrett smile while awake ... I cried ... finally, he was happy ... and then he screamed for three hours straight later that day. Ahhh, the good old days ... er, not. And as noted, unless he's being held, Jonah seems to feel pretty screwed. I am one lucky lady to have a toddler who seems to do fairly well to entertain himself for many moments of the day so I can shush and bounce the babe. I suppose I should thank the good lord that we've been down this road before, so we know there's an end in sight ... but, as was captured in my previous post regarding my mommie dearest moments, some days perspective and reason are no where to be found.

Today, I've got a handle on it... tomorrow... well, we'll just have to wait and see...:)

A Doozy of a Day...

2011-07-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

The other night at Bunko, my fellow bunko beauties questioned...
"So, how's life with two kids... how's Jonah..."
"Oh, you know... an almost six week old and a toddler...".
"No. We don't know".
As none of them have children of their own yet, I found myself just kind of moving away from the topic. While I generally want to be brutally honest, I just didn't have it in me. I was away from the kiddos and I was enjoying a beer {yes, I enjoy an occasional beer even though I am breastfeeding...} and I didn't want to lament the goings ons of my long-ish days that I am currently living.

Up until this week, I felt like I had a really good handle on things. Adam was doing one of the feedings at night {since Ms. Lefty was being left out} and so after waking to pump, I'd return to a {current} blissful state of slumber until the next feeding. *Note: I love sleep. I need sleep. I am not good without sleep.

Well, after visiting the marvelous Milk Lady once again, I have begun feeding from both sides ... begrudgingly using a shield for the left ... in an effort to eliminate much of the pumping and to lessen the load of cleaning bottles, flanges, membranes and all the parts of mr. pumper. And because I only think it's fair, since Adam has to go off to work each day {read: to earn our income} that he not have to be up at all hours of the night. So, now, I am up more from dusk till dawn. And I think that's where we started to lose our footing.

Additionally, Jonah has started to sleep less during the day and currently likes to be held about 97.52% of the time. I can hardly blame him. I am very comfy. But seriously. Holding a wee one and entertaining a toddler ... way different than the first go round {or so I am told. My first time around, my infant screamed. Incessantly. And I dreamed of margaritas.}. I bought a Moby but for the life of me, can't seem to position him properly without 28 hands assisting. I have a Bjorn but for some reason feel silly sporting it around the house. And, Jonah is currently too small for the Hotsling that I toted B out and about in starting at 8 pounds. So, I find my day monopolized by bouncing and jiggling a somewhat agitated Jonah {he's getting less fussy. It's just takes a little time for a small little chap}. It's not that the days are generally like performing rocket science but they are certainly exhausting.

So, here's the dose of reality I would, had I had the energy, shared with my fellow Bunko-ites. Wednesday night, I got about 5 hours of sleep. Doesn't sound that bad, right? But that's not 5 consecutive hours and it's not me deciding to get up to go have a glass of milk and check my facebook and hop back into the sheets. It's my child, l~~oudly~~ gently ~~screaming~~ summoning me to ~~get his sucker on my sustenance producing set~~ spend some time with him. So anyhoozie. 5 hours. And then, the day begins when Adam leaves for work.

As I think any mom can attest to, somedays, it's a long row to hoe to get to nap time. But we make it. And some days, we all need naps. Thursday was one of those days. I got B all settled for nap. Fed J. Finally calmed J's post-eatin' reflux rigors and voila! J and I fell off into a peaceful slumber. I awoke to Barrett's jibber jabber through the monitor. I immediately stirred and thought, Wow. I must have slept for an hour and a half and not even realized it. No no, my friends. He'd only been asleep for a half hour {if you don't have nappers... mine usually sleeps for 1.5 to 2 hours once a day}. And just thirty minutes into his supposed sleeping session, he was jackin' around in his bed. I got out of bed... which of course, stirred the finally peaceful peanut. I left Jonah and headed north to ~~yell at~~ have a nice convo with Barrett. One more somewhat calm convo followed the first but by the third trip up the stairs, I was in full-blown Faye Dunaway mode. I left his room in tears, slamming the door {because, yes, I am a thirteen year old}. Jonah, by this point, was in full-scream. And I was a total wreck. At 3:00, I phoned my sister. In tears. She assured me that no one would be calling CPS anytime soon. I relayed to her that Barrett was still on his bed in his room and I was having a timeout. I cried more. She continued to tell me I wasn't a bad mom and that she would do the same thing {if you've ever met my sister, you SO know this is not the case. But thanks to her for being a good sister anyway}. After a bit longer, I retrieved Barrett from his bedroom. I cried as I hugged him and then allowed him to watch Super Why and eat Vanilla Jo Jo's on the couch {a ploy to reduce a mother's guilt}. Still in my jams, I ate half of a turkey sandwich for lunch at 4 pm. It was a pretty awesome day at the Brehm house.

This morning started out in a similar fashion. I had to wait it out as Jonah wailed {we have to wait thirty minutes post meds before feeding ... which, if awake, he just loves} and so I found myself using the restroom and applying my makeup in tandem. It had all the makings of a bad after school special for abstinence {and no. I'm not saying abstinence is bad. Abstinence is good. Very good.}.

The reality of it is, there are really good days and there are really exhausting ones. There are days where you can keep your patience and there are days when every little thing sends patience packing. There are days when you think everything your children do is adorable and days when each and every move is maddening. And of course, there are days where Jonah is somewhat content {read: sleeping} and others when he's never content {read: won't sleep. fussy. agitated. What is with my babies?}. There are days. And we've had a couple. Back to back.

Thank goodness for a playdate today {we are always taking visitors. And generally willing to be visitors}. And thank goodness for Friday. And thank goodness my husband brought home Diet Coke. It's been a doozy of a day.

Month One...Done...

2011-07-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Month One Highlights:

Jonah pees with great accuracy into his eye on several occasions during diaper duty.
Jonah goes from a discharge weight of 4 pounds 9 ounces to 5 pounds 11 ounces in three weeks.
Jonah dons duds {and dipes} in preemie at first and works his way into newborn within the first month

Jonah seems to be much longer than B man was. The clothes are big around his bod but his long legs seem to stretch out the sizes

Jonah may or may not have his days and nights confused. He rarely wakes himself for daytime feeding and wakes with constant regularity every 3 hours at night
Jonah enjoys his first Fourth of July fireworks at "auntie D's Cabin" and sleeps through the entire show
Jonah shows signs of a GI intolerance

Mommy says peace out to Dairy
Fussy time is from 8 pm to 11ish in the evening
Jonah makes mucousy stools {no. I do not examine them. Someone else spotted these}

Jonah shows signs of Reflux

Starts on Zantac at 3 weeks
Switches to Prevacid at 4 weeks due to increased issues
Grunts in sleep
Mama and daddy see bad reaction after a meal with marinara sauce

Jonah may or may not be related to elephants. His "baby elephant" noises he makes in the wee small hours of the morning make mama and daddy feel like they've wandered into a wildlife preserve. Jonah will soon be making the move to his crib for this very reason.
Born with a full head of hair, Jonah has begun losing some of his baby hair, thus making him appear even more like an old man
Jonah rolls over from tummy to back {yes. I'm aware it was likely a fluke but it's worth documenting for reference on his MENSA application}.
People frequently question why our kids are so tan as infants. I explain that it's because we conceived both in Mexico
People frequently whisper things as they pass by Jonah including "That's one small baby" or "That's their whole baby"
Barrett goes from hating us after Jonah came home to seemingly loving Jonah to pieces. He questions why Jonah isn't in existing family photos, loves to have Jonah "go places with us" {like we'd leave him at home?} and likes to give him kisses and cuddles
With one month down and forever to go, Jonah is a little love and we are blessed to have him as part of the Brehm brood

Confessions of a New{ish} Mom...

2011-07-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

Whether it's your first baby or you are Michelle Duggar, I'm guessing there's always a bit of it of adjustment when a new little bundle of sweetness and spit-up rocks your world. Here's my list of current post-partum business and confessions of a mother of a tod and a tiny tot...

1. My newest addition to decor -- nursing pads. I have them everywhere. In every room of the house. And not like still in the package. I have these little duct discs scattered in the bedroom surrounding my pumping place, in the living room, bathroom... if it's a room, in my house, a pad can be found. One could quite easily track where I last nursed by following the nursing pad path.

2. Barrett watches far more TV than I'd like to admit. Just a month ago, I prided myself on only having the tube on for a max of one hour per day. That actually makes me laugh out loud {or LOL for all you savvy texters} now. Television has literally become the boob tube at our house. Anytime I need to do anything utilizing my boobs {feeding or pumping. It stops there you sick people}, Barrett can usually fanangle watching something on the tube and let's be honest, it's just the easy, lazy thing to do for now. I know I'll kick myself later but for now, it works ... and I'm letting it. Now, if only I could teach him to run the remotes on his own... {kidding... kidding}

3. Sadly, due to #3, and also due to it being summer, our DVR is completely cluttered with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sesame Street and Super Why! episodes and lacking any sort of adult content. Sure, I have an occasional new RHONJ {which I am not as obsessed with as the others} or RHONY but a couple shows does not an adult DVR make.

4. I have been alternating between about 8 pieces of clothing since Jonah joined us. Mostly dresses, a few maternity tops and of course, the same sad pair of post-pregnancy blue jeans I sported following Barrett's birth. The jeans, an old Express style, are size 12 and still do very little to hide the bread dough belly beneath them. After B, I bought a "solution" for each size on the way back down to my pre-B size and I assume that my post-Jonah weight loss journey will take me down the same pants path.

5. I recently waited an hour in the nail salon and then walked out after getting skipped for a Pedicure. While walking to my car, my eyes welled up with tears. By the time I got Adam on the phone, I was a snotty sniveling mess. To waste an entire hour right now and feel like I have nothing to show for it {I hadn't been smart enough to bring a book or mag} is enough to make this mama go mad. Each hour is currently counted on the nursing clock and so, I was in hysterics. After a few deep, long breaths {and a shot of Tequila ... again, just kidding ... and no, I don't think saying I miss tequila makes me a lush}, my Zen state was restored but every once and awhile, sleep deprivation and lingering hormonal changes create the perfect storm of emotions.

6. In addition to the nursing pads that now grace our place, our kid "gear" and overwhelming collection of toys are about to drive me nutty bananas. The, once adult, living room now contains a nook filled with clear toy totes and a basket of books, the corner houses a plastic shopping cart {containing, at the moment, two bats, one popper, and a partridge in a pear tree}, a wooden "garage", a wheeled basket o cars and trucks ... and then there's the addition of the cradle n swing, the baby papasan and the playmat. Oh, yes... and of course, Jonah's gift to Barrett, a train table, now takes the place of our once kitchen table -- then turned "cozy" couch and coffee corner of the kitchen. There's a tunnel in the dining room. A car seat and accessories in the front room. So. The news is out. We have kids. And I {secretly} cry a little inside every time I step foot into my friends' places... so adult. So uncluttered. So not decorated in bright colors with animals and cars.

7. I'm starting to feel a little alarmed by Barrett's familiarity with nipples. He's begun showing his nipples and announcing them as such and he also continues to have a keen interest in the pumping process. He calls the pump "pumper" and I think believes it's some sort of music machine because he jumps up and down to its rhythm.

8. On Sunday, Barrett decided he wanted to take a tinkle on the frog potty in the powder room. He also did not want to wear his diaper. What he did want to do, however, was pee on our kitchen floor. Oh yes. And poop. You know a part of your life has really hit a new "norm" when your child poops on the floor and continues playing trains.

9. I don't know if it's hormones or what but there's something that is making my armpits smell like a mix between pine trees and stickiness {like that icky smell of children who are just, well, sticky}. I've tried ditching my deodorant {for a different scent ... not altogether} and different shower gel but I can't seem to battle the BO. For anyone who has questioned if I am still showering, the answer is yes... almost daily.

10. Yesterday, I was so proud of myself and felt so together when I got Jonah fed, pumped my pair, changed both boys, snagged snacks and sippies and loaded them in the car to cart them down to the Children's Museum {which, as my friend so kindly tells me means you have to drive a hell's half acre ... and while I am not exactly certain where that falls in the metric system, I will admit, it is a jaunt}. Turns out, Children's Museum ... closed on Mondays. Magnificent.

That's just a bit of the brand of crazy we're carrying over here these days. When life makes you bananas, make some banana bread!

Due Date...

2011-07-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my due date. Adam and I were trying to find something festive to do in honor of the day ... we decided we'd head down to St. E's and taunt people who are having 9 pound babies today... just kidding. The day will likely go on without much ta-do. Isn't it funny though? For 8 months, the date of July 10th was all I could think about and now, the date really means very little. In three days, Mr. Jonah will be one month old. For the last, almost one month, we've been getting patchy sleep and been living somewhat, in survival mode. The 13th will forever be engrained in our minds but the 10th, it's fairly inconsequential at this juncture for Mr. Jonah.

As Jonah was supposed to come to be today, it does seem sort of funny to have already known our little monkey for a month. And while we may not know all of the ins and outs of our Jonah bug, here are a few things we do know...

-At last weight check, Jonah tipped the scales at 5 pounds 10 ounces. He gained 8 ounces in 8 days and we couldn't be more thrilled. I packed up the preemie clothes today and said hello to Newborn and {optimistically} 0-3 month ensembles.

-If you change Jonah's diaper, he will take that as a signal to poop immediately once the new diaper has been fastened... and no, it does not matter how long you wait and try to trick him... he will take a dump in a new dipe just like that. Additionally, I've never seen a boy pee on himself so many times. He even outsmarted a pee pee tee pee of sorts so for now, we just move as fast as possible and wear our raingear when doing diaper changes.

-Jonah is advanced. Okay, this is a huge joke for those who know me ... I hate when people claim their children {specifically those under 1 year of age} are advanced. I find it hilarious. But I digress... During tummy time the other evening, Jonah flipped from his tum tum to his back {and no, I am not on acid, he really did}. Adam and I were absolutely befuddled by this but we figure he's basically ready for college and thus, have signed him up for next week's ACT.

-Jonah has a little spittle and so, we've begun a bit of Zantac each day to try to get a handle on this. His reflux seems to be bothering his body a bit so hopefully we can get it under control sooner than later. Post eating he can be a bit of a fussy chap and with all dairy eliminated from my diet, the reflux, it would seem, is the culprit.

-Jonah loves to sleep all day and wakes every 3 hours at night to eat. He struggles a bit with feeding as he still favors the right side and takes a bottle from the "left" {and yes, from all accounts, "they" are the same}.

-When his eyes are closed, I think Jonah has quite a strong resemblance to Barrett {and Adam and Uncle Kevin}. When his eyes are open, I think he looks more like Grandpa Tad. There is not one little ounce of mommy in him {unless you count breastmilk}.

-Of additional note, on this date of being due, Barrett has apparently decided diapers are for suckers and has gone without since the morning. Oy. I was so not ready for this. We'll see where it goes... and where he goes.

All in all, July 10th would have been a lovely day to have a babe ... for anyone else. But the 13th of June was just right for our Jonah June Bug.

1000 Words...

2011-07-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

Second Time Around the Son...

2011-07-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've had so many people ask "How are you doing?". It's a great thing because as a new mom {even the second... and I'm guessing third... or even the eighth time around} you kinda forget there's a you. So preoccupied with the every whim of your infant and your so-used-to-having-you-all-to-themselves toddler, the idea of how you are is a foreign concept. I am currently a walking milkbar and my milkshake brings my boy to the yard. With the current schedule for Jonah, I spend about 8ish hours of the day with him snuggled to my set or mowing down milk from a bottle. The times that we're not focused on feasting, Barrett gets the attention from mama Ash. And what time is left over, is spent canoodling with my leading man. So, how am I doing?

Honestly... pretty darn amazing. I mean, yes, I am a zombie of sorts. But a pretty stinkin' happy zombie. And I guess if you have to be a zombie, a happy one is best. After we had Barrett, I was exhausted. And not like now exhausted. Like ... cry in the middle of a sentence, call my husband in tears, dehydrated, crusty breastmilk in hair, rarely showered or shaven and never wanting to canoodle E X H A U S T E D. I blame part of it on being a first timer. I blame part of it on the feeding demands of a premature peanut, and of course, a piece of the pie also goes out to Barrett's belly business. It just wasn't ideal. And while life isn't ideal, it was hard. Not just tiring. Not just time consuming. But truly hard. And I was a hot mess.

Amidst the screams and spitting, I could not find myself. The, for all intents and purposes, happy-go-lucky rarely feathers ruffled me was going nutty bananas and I felt a loss of self. I'm sure that's awful. I'm sure that, to say {or rather admit. out loud} that in gaining the precious gift of a baby, I lost myself, sounds heinous. But don't call me Casey Anthony just yet, let me state my case.

Before kiddos, you can {and do} tend to your every whim. My schedule pre-Barrett would look like this:

get up at the last possible minute I can to get showered in time for work. Leisurely put my face on and try on 8 different outfits prior to grabbing a Diet Coke {breakfast of Champions} on my way out the door. Listen to my music or my morning show. Spend the day at work. Head to gym for whatever amount of time I decide. Stop at store en route home to pick up groceries for dinner. Eat dinner at 8:30 pm. Watch tv. Head to bed. And the weekends... don't even get me started.

Now, life looks a little different:

wake to alarm reminding me it's time to pump. Wash. Refrigerate. Pick Jonah up from bassinet and let him sleep on me for a bit to get some extra shut-eye {shhh. don't tell}. Wake up. Feed Jonah. Adam gets B and gets his breakfast. Pump again. Hang out with Barrett. Clean. Laundry. Dishes. Assess fridge situation. Make grocery list. Play. Feed. Pump. Wash bottles, pump parts, hands. Diaper changes for both boys. Change their clothes {if we're lucky:)}. Snack. Feed. Pump. Lunch. Play. Nap for B. Playtime for Jonah. Grab a bite of {dairy-free} lunch. Chores. Feed. Pump. Barrett wake. Killing time before daddy arrives home. Feed. Pump. Pray. Start dinner. Finish dinner. Clean up dinner {if we're lucky:)}. Baths. Bedtime for B. Feed. Pump. Maybe squeeze in TV. Tell my husband how happy he makes me. Bedtime for adults. Wake. Feed. Pump. Sleep. Wake. Feed. Pump. Sleep. Start over.

So. There is no hiding the fact that life. has. changed {again}. But. The change that I've experienced as a second-time mama, is dramatically less life-altering than the first. As noted, yes ... We're a bit tired around these parts. But we knew we would be. We've been here before. We knew what we were in for. And as far as showering, shaving, eating, and me-time, while it's minimal, it's just not that big of a deal. Because I know it's not forever. I know that the bread dough belly will, likely, at some point whip back into shape; that the cellulite city on the back of my legs does not need to get taken care of today; the dishes will get cleaned; the house will survive. And I know that I could either spend time feeling sorry for my tired, uncleansed state or I can soak up every second of a sleepy, squishy newborn and his oh-so-charming bro. The life changing that happened to me on our second trip {just three weeks in} around the son, seems to be so much more clarifying and calming. I. am. happy. I know now, after having Barrett's first year... second year... half year... fly by in the blink of an eye, that these days will someday be our "those were the days".

And I don't feel bad about it. For a bit I did. I felt guilty. As if I was saying Barrett made me fall apart and Jonah put me back together. But first of all, I was put together far before birthing little J and of course, it's just different when you do something again. Life is like that. You can do the same thing you've done before but have a completely different view of it because you are willing to take it on this time. Because you have an agreement with the situation. You understand what you're signing up for. And thanks to Barrett, we so wanted for Jonah. We knew just how lovely it would be.

I haven't even really begun to think about what comes next. I know that I don't have to decide this time if I will or won't stay home... to feel as if I have to either choose myself or my child.I know that I can choose if I want to work and that I don't need to worry about anyone else's opinions. I know that I don't have to completely eliminate time for me... and time for us. I know that I can put Jonah down and squeeze in Barrett time, a shower, or a sandwich. I know that the frenetic feeding that's happening will be short-lived and but a dream in mere months {and honestly, I won't miss that dream}. I know that I can do this because it's not all on me. Adam, Barrett and I have made Jonah a part of us together. And it feels right.

All in all, it just feels so much more clear this time that this is how my life is supposed to go. That I am no longer playing dress-up in a mother's world. I am creating the world for my children.

There is no possible way I could have had such clarity last time. We had to do it on our own... survive it... feel like we could rock it ... before we could know how good it could be. And for all of you who had that clarity the first time around, lucky yous {I secretly hate you. Okay. Not really. But kind of}.

So far, in our second time around the son, I have few concerns, I have less fears, and I far fewer tears. Barrett is beginning to show his former self. Jonah is gaining speed {5 lbs 2 oz at last check!!}. And we're living our {somewhat sleepless} lives as parents to two. And while there will surely be good and bad days ahead {and frustrating moments. and moments where I want to stick a fork straight into my ear}, that would be reality with or without kids.

Rob Lowe recently said "First they're ours. Then they're the world's". This hangs in between the boys' bedrooms as a constant reminder that this, too, is fleeting. This, too, is impermanent. That we must soak up the moments... the good... the trying... the crazy... and love them for what they are. And know that in times when we are wanting more... we currently have it all.

And as for me, as I write this ... unshowered, pj-clad and house a-clutter ... I'm right where I need to be.

Making Mountains Out of Molars...

2011-06-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Two days prior to popping out Jonah, Barrett woke from his nap in tears. He had a 102+ temp and because we believed we would, perhaps, be bouncing B to and fro for the week ahead, Adam and Barrett made a quick visit to Urgent Care. It was viral. But, an observation was made... what was not viral ... the monsters of a two year old mouth ... the two year molars. They could take several weeks to work their way out, she said.

Seriously. Why why why. I couldn't think of more perfect timing for the poor kid. Yes, Barrett, it's your lucky day ... you get to come home to a new baby and have swollen, red mounds making their move in your mouth. Sure, there are crappier things in life, but try explaining that to a two-year old trying to make sense of it all.

Barrett always teethed "hard" as a babe. And the two-year molars are proving to be one last hurrah... making this mama nearly certifiable. It's also helped me decide that when the tooth fairy starts visiting our house, she {or he ... if you want to be PC} will surely be leaving something special for me as well. We've all worked hard for each and every little pearly white one.

5am wake-ups. No nap today. Tears. Drool. Ick. Yuck. Night-time terrors.

Two-year molars, you can suck it. You bite.

Milking Matters...

2011-06-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the Brehm Boobfet is back in business and for Jonah, there's a 24/7 All-You-Can-Eat Special going on. These days, I pretty much feel like a walking nipple. Yep. That's the truth.

After nursing Barrett, I often stated that while everyone said that breastfeeding was natural, it really wasn't ... because it was work. For the time being, I am changing the tune I am singing a bit to say, breastfeeding is natural. But it isn't easy.

Babies, whether pre or full-term, have to eat. This is no shock. How you feed them, is up to you. I choo choo choose breastfeeding. My choice is partially because I believe the breast is the best thing I can offer and partially for financial reasons {Sources estimate that formula costs, on average, $100 a month ... and that's if you use the basic kind. That's a big chunk o change for our fam.}. The process of plumping up your newborn {no matter the method} takes an unimaginable amount of time in the first few weeks and months. If a newborn gets 8 or more feedings a day ... that's a huge commitment that you didn't have before your babe. That reality was a slap in the face with Baby B and is much less of an adjustment with Jonah.

With Barrett's early arrival, we encountered obstacles with the breastfeeding process. While my mammary memories may be a little fuzzy due to lack of sleep and emotional duress {the reason I have no blogging record from the first few weeks of Barrett's visits to the Boobfet}, I know that there were certain stressors that made me want to say the breast is history. First of all, the hospital "issued" me a shield. This is not like some sort of badge of honor you get for popping a child out of your princess penelope, it's a silicone sucker for pre-term infants or any kiddo who cannot latch. Being a first-time feeder, I had no idea what the ramifications of relying on a shield could be. I tried to wean B from the shield on my own ... but no luck {he would scream. I would cry. I would need a drink. I couldn't have a drink because I was breastfeeding. Just a bad sitch for all parties}. I also met with a lactation consultant in Omaha {who was awful, btw} and she offered no assistance. So, for seven months, I hauled the shield with me to and fro, every which where. It was just a pain. And a milky mess. And it diminished supply. So this time around, I was determined ... no shield! Second, we did syringe supplemental feedings for about a month. While this is a necessary time sucker, it also is a sleep sucker. Additionally, much like many milking mamas, I dealt with the whole engorgement business {I was a walking sideshow ... think Real Housewives of Orange County implant city}. I also had a short bout with mastitis. And, of course, if you've been following BOTB forevs, you may have heard me make mention of my modified diet because of his fussing and fuming and spitting and screaming {something I rarely even spoke of ... okay ... just kidding}. We went without soy for 6 months and dairy for 7. So, breastfeeding and I were not fast friends the first go-round.

So, this time would be different, I decided. First thing: No shield. Well ... nice thought but when your child's mouth is small and your milkers get massive ... you have to make modifications. So, once again, I left the hospital with a shield. Second: I would not let myself get engorged. Again, awesome idea in theory ... but when you are pumping for milk every 2-3 hours, your milkers morph into mountains {of note, I acquired an abrasion from the pumping flange (size fail) and was prescribed a cream called Triple Nipple to apply post every feeding. I have been watching very carefully and have yet to identify a third nipple on my person. I will let you know if anything pops up in the near future}. Third: I wouldn't change my diet this time. Well ... although I haven't made a huge adjustment, I am currently cutting drinking cow's milk and taking cheese off of anything that is made better with cheese {we will meet again, cheese, I promise. Please wait for me.}. While Jonah seems like a completely content babe {knock on any piece of wood you can find} he does have mucousy stools, which is a sign a GI sensitivity so we are treading lightly in that territory. So, all in all, the plan isn't exactly going as I had hoped.

Never fear though, MilkWorks is here. After trying to locate a great resource for those who lactate in Omaha and failing miserably, I have been working with a milk savvy maven named Ann at MilkWorks in Lincoln. On my first visit there, I was so engorged {It was ridic. I could only sleep on my back at night and it felt as if my boobs had been the losers in an HBO fight night} that she first noted I needed to pump to empty. Pump to empty, I did ... and I left the session with 14 and a half ounces of milk madness {After a 20 minute feed for mr. J. Did you know that some momma's milk doesn't come in for a month?!}. No joke. She said I set some new sort of record {I'm pretty sure I will be getting a trophy any day now} and that while some peeps can feed their peanuts, I could easily nurse the whole neighborhood. She also assisted in weaning big baby J off the shield which is awesome sauce but for now, he can only latch on one side ... so ms. lefty is likely feeling a little left out. Another mahvelous outcome from MilkWorks ... we are supplementing with a bottle instead of syringe. This means that instead of it taking two to tango, either Adam or I can have slumber during a feeding session.

Our current schedule looks like this:

- If it's a right side session, I feed for 20ish minutes. I pump. I feed the pumped liquid gold via bottle {this, sadly, is currently taking anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour ... but the time will be cut as Jonah gets more ounces and more days}

-If it's a left side session, I pump and fill the bottle. At night, Adam feeds the bottle {again, it's time-consuming but it works} and during the day, I do the bottle.

We are up to 3 hour increments during the day {little Jonah bug sleeps... and sleeps... and sleeps} and 4 hours {max} at night. And... best news of all ... Jonah is gaining! Which means OPERATION:Milktastic is working. At last weight check {we've also had less than with B. I think because this is not our first rodeo and we've got street cred now, people are hovering a little less} Jonah tipped the scales at 4 pounds 14 ounces. Woo hoo!

In other news, Barrett may have found his future calling as a boob man. He can identify all the parts of the breast pump and he is quite inquisitive regarding the entire pumping process. I'm hoping he can get a job some day as an engineer for Medela. The price you pay for their "premium" pumps is absolutely astronomical. There's got to be money in that part of the boob biz.

For those moms-to-be who expect to birth a babe, throw them on the boob and go on about their business, that could be your fate ... but if it isn't, you don't need say bye bye booby goodbye right off the bat. Because breastfeeding isn't easy. Not everyone produces milk like they want to. Not everyone can get a great latch. Not everyone is into the whole process. But specifically for our pre-prime peanuts, we have chosen to have our babes on the boob {did you know: If you have a full-term babe, your body produces 20 calorie breastmilk. If you have a premie, your body produces 24 calorie breastmilk. Total craziness if you ask me.}. The skin-to-skin time and of course, the nutrients derived from bellying up to the boob are 100% unique to breastfeeding {and selfishly, the weight peeling power, is too}. So, while my breastfeeding journey with J dog has started out similarly to that with big brother B, I have a very different view having been here and done that. And I highly doubt that you will find me soon saying the breast is history...

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou...

2011-06-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

We're going through a little transition at the Brehm house. Barrett arrived home following the birth of Jonah {after being away for a few days} and seems to have packed in his return bags, an attitude. Mere days prior to Jonah's birth, I was continuously singing Barrett's praises and now, I wonder what's happened to our not-so-trying toddler. Jonah is unaffected of course, sleeping the days away but this momma reaches her melting point when Barrett has sudden outbursts. While 75% of the time, Barrett is his sweet, fantastic self ... 25% of the time, he has us scratching our heads and scolding his disobedience and erratic behavior.

Screaming. Kicking. Throwing himself to the ground {please, someone tell me where kids learn this. Not once have I thrown myself to the ground in front of Barrett in a fit of rage... at least I can't recall doing this in the last 24 years or so}. And incessant use of the word No have become sudden favorites of our eldest. While I know this is a just as I stated above, a transitional phase, I find my heart hurting when Barrett acts out.

It's certainly not every single moment of the day. There are many "normal" times in which it seems as if nothing has changed ... until ... it is apparent that, to Barrett, they have. There have been no attempts by B to lash out at J, so that's positive but he's fairly indifferent towards Jonah ... and fairly ticked off {on occasion} at the family figureheads.

Ugh. Sitting at breakfast the other morning with my parents, Barrett began screaming and shouting. Adam took him to have a discussion and my eyes welled up with tears. The guilt I feel, watching Barrett adjusting, is emotionally overwhelming and while I try to keep it in check {I just popped out a peanut mmm k... I'm a little unbalanced} I find that I feel like I've wrecked his world as he knew it. And of course, anytime someone asks how Barrett is doing, I begin to choke up.

It's such an internal battle. We know Barrett. We have a bond. We are his people. But now we are Jonah's people, too. And while the loving part isn't hard to come by ... time and patience can be. And feeling like I could have somehow prevented sending Barrett's world into a topsy turvy transitional state makes me a wee bit sad.

I have to keep reminding myself that he will adjust {right? Oh please, say right}. As a wise woman shared with me the other day, throughout our lives we go through many adjustments and changes, what better way to teach our children about this than at home, with family there to love and support them through the changes. She also reminded me that I need to remember that we've given Barrett a true gift, a sibling.

So... I've talked with other parents of two {or three} and they all say "give it a month ... six weeks ... three months". The most important thing to me right now is knowing that it will get better ... right? And, by the recommendation of our dear Dr. Dek {I asked her resident advice while we were in with Jonah}, we're just going to keep on keepin' on over here. We'll do our best to be consistent, to offer praise {when appropriate} ... and discipline {when appropriate}, to make Barrett feel loved and supported and to help him understand that we are not the enemy.

Much like how quickly those first six trying months of Barrett's life now seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye, we know that this too, shall pass and that it's not a question of if but when. Until then, thank goodness for wine {for me}, Mickey Mouse {for B}, an infant who appears to be rather content {to date}, and a daddy {who is home for another week. Thank you lord} who would move the earth for his wife and boys.

Re-opening the Breastaurant...

2011-06-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

So... the Brehm Breastaurant is now open. {If you don't want to hear the word breast or about a milky mama, stop HERE}. For Jonah's business. And let me tell you, it is full. I am some sort of freak of nature who has been fortunate enough to have my milk runneth over with both of my premie peanuts. My milk came in on day 2 of Jonah's life and is freely flowing {I am told this is rare for induced pre-terms but I have no stats to back that up:)}.

This is what my boobs currently feel like:

I can remember this from nursing Barrett. Because of the nursing/pumping schedule we keep, my boobfet is a bit too bountiful. But don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, these milk-filled monstrosities will soon return to their more manageable state.

We are currently on a 3 hour feeding schedule {with B we did 2.5 as his weight was a little lower}. If you've never nursed, here is what that means...

Jonah munches for anywhere from 20-40 minutes ... Adam fills syringes with expressed breast milk ... we finger feed the little man via syringe ... Adam burps and I pump for 10-20 minutes. Supplies are washed. Milk is chilled.

It doesn't seem like much when you look at it like that but here are a few added details:

-When someone says they nurse every 3 or 4 hours, this means that the nursing clock starts from the beginning of the last feeding, not the end. So, If I start at midnight, then I begin the cycle again at 3 am.

-Currently, for nighttime feeds, we set an alarm to wake Baby J because he is not past 5 pounds. This will change once he starts truly gaining weight. Last night, for instance, we set an alarm for 11, 2, 5, and 8.

-When the alarm sounds for night feedings, Adam wakes and gets Jonah's diaper changed and sometimes undressed {in order to get him to be less drowsy}. Then I feed for 20-40 minutes. I then wake Adam to go get milk syringe ready. We finger feed 10-20 ccs of milk {probably takes about 10 minutes}. Adam gets him ready to lay back down. I go pump for 10-15 minutes and wash supplies to have them ready to go for next alarm and fall back into bed. All told, the process is anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. This will dramatically change once finger feedings are eliminated. {Please, explain to me how parents of multiples survive ... keeping this schedule times 3 would be insane!}

- Anytime Jonah wants to eat outside of the schedule, he gets fed. What baby wants, baby gets.

As usual, this isn't to discourage mommas-to-be from giving your babe the breast but it is my attempt to portray the time and commitment it can take to make the boob your best bud. I will have more soon but for now, I must nip this post in the bud.

Jonah's Journey...

2011-06-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Jonah Brooks Brehm was welcomed into this world at 10:38 pm on Monday, June 13th at 36 weeks gestation. Weighing 4 pounds 11 ounces and stretching out to 18 inches, he is a second small addition to the Brehm family ... although his impact on our lives has already been enormous.

If you've followed my blog, you know, I am often quite frank regarding my views on being a mom, and I try my very best to be completely candid in recounting the tales from the trenches. So, in keeping with that trend ... I must say, Monday was one of the most magical days of my life. And I'm not even being facetious. I can't think of another word to fit.

So here's the jist on Jonah's journey to join our family.

After getting the word that it would be go-time for our little guy, we were admitted to St. Elizabeth's on Monday morning around 10 am. After experiencing a nearly 36 hour laboring process with Barrett {who was also induced at 36 weeks}, Adam and I hunkered down for the long haul. I received Cytotec around 12:30 {Cytotec is a pill that is used to assist in thinning out the cervix. This pill is placed on the cervix and then dissolves}. After one round of Cytotec, I began having regular contractions and I began to progress on my own {YAY!}. Jearlyn checked me at 4:30 and told me she wanted to break my water ... Adam and I were shocked ... we questioned could we have in the next 24 hours? ... Yes... in fact, we could have this baby by 10:00 tonight she surmised. So, water broken, labor progressed. I asked to be checked to assess the epidural situation {with Barrett's birth, I had to get to 4 before I could have the epidural ... which took about 28 hours}. After check, I was 80% effaced and 5 and a half cm dilated. I was thrilled and while the laboring hadn't been unbearable at this point, I requested the epidural. By

the time I got the epidural, I was 90% effaced and 7 cm dilated. By ten o'clock, I was complete and ready to push. Those are the facts.

A few details:

- I hate to admit it, but the pain was way more tolerable than my first birth. I actually felt like I might see Jesus during my laboring with Barrett ... this time, I was very calm. I mean, it's not as if I'd rather labor than go to the dentist but it was much less terrible.

- I thought of Barrett throughout the entire labor. I think it that made it easier to get through ... not only knowing how perfect Barrett is, but knowing that the pain was "worth it".

- After I received the epidural, I got the shakes... which I've heard of before but it just felt realllly weird. I made some inappropriate jokes about having Parkinson's {I make jokes when I'm anxious. I know that Parkinson's is no joking matter} and they went away very shortly after delivering but it was sort of bizarre.

The minute they yelled it's a boy, I loved him. I can't even explain it. It was an all-encompassing feeling that the world was now just a little more right than it had been before. After delivery, I got to hold our newest baby boy ... and I got to hold him for a good half hour at least before they took him away. It was unreal. As Jearlyn told me the next day, one of the nurses said "She's still holding him and we haven't checked his weight or anything yet, should we start that process?" ... and Jearlyn told her "No. She didn't get this the first time. She always knew she'd missed something but she didn't know until now how great it was". {even typing it makes me choke up}.

Jonah's birth was magical. The tears this time were those of joy and calm ... with Barrett, there were so many tests, so many question marks, so many concerns, my tears were those filled with fears and uncertainty regarding the health of our child. We were prepared for everything(ish) and had to deal with nothing and so, the day was actually peaceful {of note, my sister-in-law wished me a peaceful birth and I thought she was coo coo for cocoa puffs... and she proved me wrong}. I would do it all over again.

What's in the name?

People have asked about the name. We were down to four when we arrived at the hospital and then quickly to two -- Jonah or Reid. After a couple hours of knowing him and having a little alone time with our bug, we decided Jonah fit him well {and it seemed to be a clear favorite of Barrett's beforehand}. After choosing Thomas {Adam's middle name} for Barrett, we threw Brooks {my middle name is Brooke} on the list of possibilities and went with it for the final choice. So, Jonah Brooks he is.

And, Jonah Brooks is also HOME! We've been discharged and home for one night. I will soon post regarding our frenetic feeding schedule but for now, we will take advantage of his serene state and catch some ZZZ's.

He is perfect. Just like his brother. The Brehms are full of bliss.

The Fab Four...

2011-06-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Our family grows by one.

Our hearts grow by miles and miles.

{Adam Thomas}

{Ashli Brooke}

{Barrett Thomas}

{Jonah Brooks}

I can't yet put in to words just how wonderfully delightful Jonah's birth day was.

Life just got a little {okay, a lot} better.

A Change Is Gonna Come...

2011-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Holy Hannah.

Change is on the horizon, my friends. With the amnio out of the way {awaiting results as I type this very sentence} I am now mentally at the point where I realize this growth that's been occurring in my midsection is not just as a result of downing a few to many brews ... it is, in fact, a baby. Our baby. Our SECOND baby.

Holy Hannah.

Though I know this post is on the heels of a post regarding all my gripes and groans pertaining to growing Grin, today, I come bearing sunshine and lollipops {and a little bit of fear ... or, admittedly, a good bit of growing anxiety}. In the words of Skinnygirl Margarita Mogul, Bethenny Frankel, the last trimester has honestly been pretty much "amazeballs" {LOVE that word. Have decided I must use it whenever possible}. Though I've felt some oddities from all this baby carrying business {the tinglies, the heart racing, etc} strangely enough I've never felt calmer or less anxious in my life {until today... of course}. I've napped daily. I've really been in the moment with Barrett {obviously not EVERY moment ... but more moments than not}. I've finally embraced being a full-time stay-at-home-mom. And ever since Dr. K told me that I needed to take it easy {not the easiER day but prior to that}, I have been doing just that. And now, a change is gonna come.

As I complete this post... we have news. And I had a mini-panic attack. I've had my drama and now it's go-time. The amnio was completed around 8:30 this morn, Baby Grin was monitored and took the test like a rock star. The results are in, folks. Apparently the magic number for Fetal Lung Maturity is 50 and Grin came through the gate with a 51 {Seriously. I can't make this stuff up}. Apparently, 50-55 is something called Transition so we will have the NICU peeps on-call but hopefully, we will pass the post-partum tests with flying colors. So, we packed up our computers at Panera and headed back to St. E's to get things going. With a once again elevated BP {160/120... but c'mon, they'd just stuck a needle in my belly} it seems that what is safest for Grin and for his/her bearer is to get this show on the road.

Post admission, I had, as I mentioned above, a brief meltdown. There were tears. My face got splotchy. I had a little pity party including the words "I just wish I could be better at this" and "I just thought this time would be different". Additionally, Barrett is just popping his two year molars and thus made for quite a rocky night at our dear friends' {thank you Abe and Missy} house so I think that, coupled with the fact that I can't be there to make it all better for him, and I can't possibly seem to make my blood pressure realize the suggested gestation is around 40 weeks just came to a head. I had a little mama drama and now I am adjusting to the idea that today is the day.

C'est la vie, right?

We will begin with Cytotek and go from there. If you've ever had a baby or you know the lingo, I am at 0 and 0. If you don't know what that means, I'll just leave it at, We're starting from scratch and let your mind figure out what that means.

I don't see much happening today but if so, we'll grin&Barrett.

35.4 weeks ... A Plan in Place...

2011-06-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

When Adam and I head down to Lincoln on Monday {sans Barrett} we will, for the first time during Grin's gestation, have our bags in tow. The fetus calendar will flip to 36 weeks on Sunday, optimal timeframe for a Fetal Lung Maturity amnio! So, we will belly up to the table and take a needle to the tum tum to see how Grin's little gills are growing. If the amnio shows positive results regarding the current lung function, we will be admitted to St. E's on Monday for an induction. If the lungs do not look ready, we will revisit the plan with each day. Because Barrett's lungs were so freaking awesome, Adam and I are prepared to hear that Monday is game time but if not, we will be happy to keep Grin in his/her current home until his breathers are primed for life post-partum.

To clear up any confusion, at this point, this is not an elective induction. No doctor or insurance company would go for that {unless you're a celebrity who is trying to avoid stretch marks and the homestretch}. I would LOVE to not go through the induction process but for now, it would seem, that's just not in the cards for this mama-to-be ... maybe next time;). While Adam and I would love to have a full-sized plump piece of perfection, we settle for the piece of perfection part. In very true deja vu, Dr. K said today "Your blood pressure makes you a timebomb...". It took me back to an eerily similar convo we had regarding Barrett's impending delivery nearly two and a half years ago. This time, I count my blessings that we've already made it so near-term ... and would love to hear that we have a few more days before delivery...

Will keep you posted but for now, keep little Grinny in your prayers and keep sending those positive vibes for my pressure!

June 9, 1973...

2011-06-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

{Tad & Dodie}

They're adorable, right?! Happy 38th wedding anniversary {I know, I know, they look like that means they've been married since birth} to my often-so-cute-they-made-my-junior-high-self-want-to-puke parents. Like all the fine wine they drink, they just get better with time.

Take My Breath Away...

2011-06-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

I know. This post is going to sound a lot like complaining. At least I hope it does. Because let's call a spade a spade. I am about to vent about the bad and the ugly parts of Grin's gestational journey. While post first trimester pregnancy with Snowball was something of a love affair, the second pregnancy has proven to be a whole different ball of bundle carrying wax. Some of it, I attribute to being older {go ahead, laugh all you want but the fact is, I am, indeed pushing 30... not as much the spring chicken as I once was}. Some of it, I attribute to already having a child to "tend to" ... I can't recall the last time Adam or I truly slept in or napped outside of defined naptime -- like without a child as an alarm clock. And, then the last smidgen, I attribute to this babe being its own person from the get-go.

Here are the beefs I have with carrying this babe {and before I go on, I must say, I am very blessed and lucky to be carrying such a healthy picture of perfection and we are so freaking fortunate to have Barrett as our first born. Okay. That's outta the way}. And someday, when my friends say "You never warned me about X," I will reply "Lie".

Here is my list of what I believe I've grinned&beared:

1. Sinus suckiness - Though it's been out of my mind {and my head} for at least three months now, I cannot miss the opportunity to curse my sinuses for their bad behavior in months 1-5 of this pregnancy. I think I had 4 sinus infections ... or one big one, however you want to label it within the first and second trimester. I can perfectly envision a night on which I began crying. At the dinner table. And said I never wanted to be pregnant again. Love you, Grin. Really... we do.

2. Tingle, Tingle Little Stars -A {or at least I'm told} side effect that comes along with hypertension is to see little stars or, as I call them, fireflies, on occasion. Everyone likely experiences these with positional changes but I will sometimes get visits from the stars at random times. I look like a real crazerton when I begin reaching for them. Along with this, throughout the third trimester, I've dealt with a wee bit of weirdness in my face and orbital region {Hopefully my crazysmart optometrist friend approves of my placement of that term}. My face is all a-flutter or a-tingle, as it were, and who can guess why. My doc said it could be a small dose of bell's palsy, the way Grin is sitting or just a side effect of the bp. Regardless, it's weird.

3. Take my breath away - I can't breathe. I know that lots of women experience this one. I didn't ever feel short of breath with B but this baby must be at least 9 pounds and crammed in like sardines because I am often feeling like a 90 year old smoker who just climbed First National.

4. My beating heart - The heart racing is yet another nuance of bearing Baby Grin. A tingle in my face, my heart begins to race and the shortness of breath sets in. I know, it sounds like an old fashioned anxiety attack, right? But I swear, I am cool as a cuke over here. I am assured that the tingle-racing-breathing stuff will be thrown out with the bag of waters and that I will forget they ever found their way to my baby bearing bod.

5. Pressures on the rise - Obviously, this one is a no-brainer but my pressures are under fire when I am with peanut. The biggest negative to this... the headaches. Adam can vouch for the fact that I've not had one headache-less day post the Tuesday Tune-Up. It's sorta like a three month hangover without the crazy night before that I can't remember {Not that I've ever had nights I can't remember...}.

So, while I've not endured a rash covering my entire body {longer than it took to get off the antibiotic that didn't agree with me} like PUPPS, I've had only mild-mannered heartburn, I've not had to deal with day-in day-out baby barfies, or dealt with the myriad of other mama-to-be menaces, I've been less enchanted with this pregnancy than our prior. And for all the men {thank heavens my husband isn't one of them. Or at least he'd never say it out loud} who think women inflate the enormity of life changing parts of being pregnant ... you're batshit crazy. You get a 9 month DD with sometimes DD's and we can hardly wipe something off the floor or slip into our very cute gladiator-like sandals. But I digress...

Adam did ask last night if I would do it again. Without hesitation, {if we are so blessed} absolutely. Of all the things that are totally ridic and seem completely OOC, feeling Grin groove inside my belly is one of the most brilliant bumblings I've ever gotten to experience {tied, of course, with feeling Snowball swirling inside the sac}. And, of course, knowing how awesome Grin will be when he/she is nearly 2.5, makes being pregnant priceless.

Yo, Check it...

2011-06-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

Hop on over to Momaha.com and see my name in lights today. Er... okay not lights. But check it anyway. While you may have read my post previously at BOTB, you can check it here. There are some really funny posts from the regular mom team as well ... I recommend checking out the post on Blowing Your Nose. Enjoy!

35.1 weeks... What's Up Doc...

2011-06-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

No real new news with Baby Brehm. I did figure out that I think I've long been one day off on my due date because they said today that I'm 35.1 weeks... so, there's that. Otherwise, Baby Grin is head down {pretty surely nestled in my back} and kickin' away.

We will return on Thursday for a full biophysical profile and weight check. Because my blood pressure continues to rise {or really, just stay higher than wanted} depending on the weight fluctuation of the fetus, and in the words of my oh-so-descriptive doc, I will probably need to "get delivered soon". What that truly means {I suppose that could mean 5 days or 3 weeks}, only time will tell.

Until then, we're all doing swell {without any swelling}.

And for those who've requested, a shot of Baby Grin's growing bump:

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This...

2011-06-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Barrett's bedtime routine has long been... well... routine. It goes like this... 7:20ish {unless it's bath night... then it's a bit earlier} pick up toys, up the stairs, select a book, daddy does diaper and jams, Now I lay me...prayer, kisses and cuddles, and then, Adam and I alternate each night -- one reads, the other rocks -- or now, lays and sings a song. It's precious time... bedtime.

I love it.

With one child, we can both be fully involved and we've taken full advantage of the nightly send-off for our sweetpea. So, before Grin joins in the gang, we wanted to capture a recent addition to the evening ending... Barrett repeating his bedtime prayer. And, though he's being a bit of a ham-era for the camera, I think you'll agree, it's pretty darn near perfection {complete with Mr. B's common "um let's see" phrase in a few spots}. While the quality is a little patchy, it's pretty entertaining nonetheless.

*Since we took this video last week, B has begun saying parts on his own. He's pretty darn endearing.

A Tale of Two Doctors...

2011-06-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

I get a lot ... seriously ... a LOT of questions regarding my blood pressure probs, my "high-risk" classification and of course, my choice to labor in Lincoln {I know, Omaha folks, I live less than 5 minutes from the new state of the art Methodist mom machine}. I often try to explain the whole sitch but I never seem to start at the right place. So, for today, I'll start at the very beginning... a very good place to start.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with hypertension. With two very fit and active parents who had spent the majority of their adult lives on medication to keep their pressures controlled, it wasn't a shock to hear that I may be boiling as well. What was a shock, however, was the reaction from the OB nurse who delivered the diagnosis. She insisted that the 150/100 {140/90 is considered high} reading was as a result of a little extra cushion for the pushin' that she perceived I had amassed. An active, two-sports participant (calling myself an athlete would be a bit of a stretch), I was 5'5" and weighed around 140 pounds {and this isn't like the girly version of my weight, I really weighed that}. I was reduced to tears, hearing her tell me that I just needed to lose 20 pounds and my blood pressure problems would disappear. {By the way ... it's a supey doopey good call to tell a 17 year old girl she's fat. This won't lead to any additional issues. Really.}

After sharing my woes of my woman doctor visit with a close family friend {okay, crying so hard I had snot running down my face and I had those little red splotches covering my face}, she suggested that instead of seeing that doctor again, I ought to visit the midwife she worked with for my continuity of woman care. Being 17, I had no idea what Midwife meant. I mean, first of all, I didn't want a wife, second of all, I thought those were just so women could birth their babes at home and me being 17 and sans baby on the body, I didn't even want to think about birthing at home {or anywhere for that matter}. But I went to meet her. And she was fantastic. My exam was more like a conversation with an old friend than an appointment. Friendly and welcoming, she asked me questions and listened to my responses. She was smart as a whip and a consummate professional. She made me feel like I was the only patient she had all day. And I loved her.

Although we eventually set up shop in Omaha, I continued to see this very same Midwife in Lincoln and eventually, we began the discussion on starting a family. Because of my chronic hypertension {which, incidentally, has not just up and walked out after years of watching my weight and what goes into my mouth, staying active, renal scans, EKGs, MRIs and trial and error on medications}, doctors had long warned me that I could have interesting pregnancies {no joke... I had two different meetings with doctors who told me I could die if I carried a child with my up-tight ticker} but my midwife assured me that we could do this together. My mom had three successful high-risk {also hypertensive} pregnancies and I was reassured by my midwife that this was a positive sign for my success and that I could be co-managed for my prenatal care. I would see her and I would also see a Maternal Fetal Specialist {or perinatologist}. As a family friend put it, oh so well, I could get my warm fuzzies with my Midwife {along with some pretty fantastic medical care} and I could get my very expert medical advice relating to harboring a human while hypertensive, with my MFM.

I field many a question regarding my selection of Midwifery care. Inquiring minds want to know: Do you want to deliver at home? Are you au natural? Are you anti-ObGyn? And the answers are no. no. and no. While I'm not opposed to those who choose alternative deliveries and I believe women who give birth naturally must be angels on earth, I simply chose to see a midwife because I love the person that is my Midwife. And while it is a little extra work on our part to schedule appointments with two different offices and keep two different sets of appointments straight, I wouldn't change a thing. I believe that I greatly benefit from the chance to be co-managed; to have two exceptional individuals conduct my prenatal care.

Throughout both of my pregnancies, I've seen both members of "my team", they've communicated on decisions regarding my care without flaw, and they both have the same end goal in site... to help our family birth healthy babies while keeping our wishes in the forefront. Each visit to my midwife includes discussions about how I'm feeling about this pregnancy, what I'm thinking about this baby, a heartbeat check, fundus measurement and what my expectations are for this birth. Each visit to my Perinatologist includes an ultrasound and now a biophysical profile {checks fluid, blood flow, breathing, etc}, a discussion on the status of my blood pressure and the plan for the next few days. With both pregnancies, around week 32, I began seeing my MFM doc 2 times a week and he communicates with my Midwife regarding my current status.

To clear up one last misnomer, I do not {currently} nor did I with Barrett, have preeclampsia. High blood pressure can be a component of preeclampsia but having chronic hypertension is different. I'm not a doctor {I know, shocking} but from what I've gathered, you can have consistent high blood pressures for longer because your body is used to such business and to date, I don't experience swelling, protein spilling in my urine and other symptoms of preeclamptic patients. In fact, my MFM dude constantly states "because you have chronic hypertension, we have more leeway with your little one". And honestly, my chronic hypertension that heeded some heavy warning from a few docs has been such a small "big deal"... and for the MFM I see, I am an extremely low-risk high-risk patient, it's almost funny.

I often say that while my Perinatologist ordered my previous induction due to undesirable conditions in this momma's oven, my Midwife remained my advocate through my entire birthing process. While I had to make some concessions throughout my first birth for the sake of our sweet Snowball, the end result included a much desired vaginal delivery and a very relieved mama. While I've no doubt there may be medical professionals out there who can provide all these things in one package, I feel fortunate to have two people who know me, know how I delivered my last baby and know my goals for this delivery.

Currently in week 34 of my second pregnancy, I have lots of questions surrounding what our second child will bring but the question I don’t have to ask is whether or not our baby will be monitored and cared for until the birth. I am certain that the care I receive from this dynamic duo will result in a successful birth of a healthy babe. And for a momma who’s under pressure or any expectant mother, that is a beautiful thing. And so, for now, I can just relax, kick back and enjoy being with babe.

{This pic was taken several weeks ago at the rockin' Rebel Walk in Kansas City ... must blog about this later!!}

34.2 weeks ... Sponsored by Tony the Tiger...

2011-05-31T14:54:00.000-07:00

Following a nice, long extenda-weekend and 5 days of taking it easy{er}, we had our check-up with Dr. Kenney today. If this message were sponsored {let me first state, it isn't} the endorsement would come from Tony the Tiger and it would say "You're Grrreeeeaaat". With a bp of 140/100 and baby's breathers looking ready and rarin' to go, we were in and out.

I'm thrilled to be post the 34 week mark! Beyond thrilled, in fact. We're estimated at about 4 pounds of hunka hunka burnin' Grin and though headaches and tinglies abound, momma is feeling optimistic. Grow Grin, Grow!!

Back again on Thursday...

Let's Go to the Movies...

2011-05-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen Annie {If you haven't, do.}? As a child, I adored this film. As an adult, I still think it's pretty fab. One of my top three favorite scenes has got to be the whole movie sequence.

I mean, wow. They really knew how to make an event out of the movies. And, while the current trips to the theater sadly bare no resemblance to the spectacle Annie enjoyed, I was as giddy as a schoolgirl when Adam and I decided we'd kick off the weekend with a little movie outing for B. Barrett takes in movies en route to Grandma and Grandpa's houses {or other longer car trips} via our portable DVD player. He provides a running commentary regarding Cars {McKeen!}, Madagascar {Gascar!}, and Curious George {Casisus Jerj}, so I have been very pumped for the release of Cars 2 ... and Adam and I have discussed our anticipation to take him to see it on the big screen. With cold, rainy weather and a momma on restricted movement, we decided there'd be no better way to kick off the Holiday-extenda-weekend than to try out a matinee. Uncle Matthew had reminded me that Kung Fu 2 was being released Friday. So, Kung Fu Panda 2 it was.

The movie itself was fine but watching Barrett at the movie ... I haven't had that great of a day since the hogs ate my brother and I got his shoes {no. The hogs did not really eat my brother. That's a Tad expression that I try to use whenever it applies.}. He loved the popcorn and was a total rockstar throughout the movie. He laughed out loud, and asked a few questions here and there {Where friends at? More baby Panda?}. He loved the baby panda and the "eakock" and overall enjoyed the entire experience. For me, it was more enjoyable to watch him than the movie. He seemed so full of wonder and was immersed in the visuals on the silver screen.

After such a truly enjoyable viewing, we are even more revved up to enjoy Cars 2 on June 24th. I doubt that movies will become a weekly or monthly occurrence for the fam but certainly a newfound fun treat to add to the list.

Our pics are not stellar but here are a few {very-overexposed} snaps:

33.5 weeks ... Taking it Easier...

2011-05-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

Have I told you lately what a good little boy we have in Barrett? I can't say it enough lately ... he is a gem. Today, he and I made the drive down I-80 once again and got in some face time with Grin. While Adam generally accompanies us to appointments, he had a meeting today that couldn't be moved so we flew solo. Barrett has gotten used to all aspects of visits to the good doctor. He grabs the same toy each time we enter, he tries out the scale to see what he's put on for poundage, he enters the exam rooms and takes turns hiding behind the curtains, testing out the dimmer switch lights, asking questions about the transducer and the exam table and of course, checking out all of the goings on with Bobby Gwin.

Today, with an elevated BP {160/113} and a lower-than-they-like heart rate for Grin {around 100}, Barrett also behaved absolutely fantastically as I enjoyed a half-hour vacation ... a traditional non-stress test. Barrett in one comfy rocker and I in the next, we watched Mickey, and listened to the thumpety thump of Grin's little ticker. As we watched, the heart rate bounced around but ended up on a good note, around 130-140. Additionally, upon last check, my BP had descended a bit {160/104}. Dr. K's advice ... "Take it easy." ... my response "Oh, I am taking it easy {seriously, I do close to nothing}." ... his retort "Take it easier. See you Tuesday". So, I suppose I will find it in myself to take it even easier over the holiday weekend... but I am sure it will be tough:).

Following the appointment, Barrett and I made our traditional post-appointment stop at Eileen's and headed on home. He is one great tag-along and one happy-go-lucky little guy. I just love him to bits and pieces. I know that I wasn't singing his praises so much in months 0-6 but this "terrible two" business is making this momma happier than a hog in mud.

So, by Saturday, we'll be one week further and Grin will have grown even bigger. If you can't get a hold of me it is because I am sunbathing and reading a book ... er, um ... taking it easier.

Gearing Up for Grin...

2011-05-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

We've been doing much feathering of the nest as of late in preparation of our expanding fam. With Barrett's {You're my Boy} Blue Room mostly complete, we've moved on to gear up for Grin. I've also been spending time reconfiguring kitchen cabinets, stocking the pantry, rearranging the roost and am in full-baby-welcome-wagon mode. Should Family Radio have only been off by a week or two, our house will be ready for whatever comes our way.

Adam and I agreed that we should mix it up a little for our newest addition {So as not to confuse Barrett and to make it Grin's special space} and so, we moved the furniture from the layout we used for Barrett's boudoir to a new configuration. We couldn't get too wild. The room is not that roomy. We did, however, keep the green stripes... because much like when we {ahem.} painted it originally, going green is all the rage.

{Rock-A-Bye. This chair continues to be one of my fave furniture purchases eva.

It's comfy. It's compact and the black and white base rarely shows a thing.}

{New home for our classic crib.

The cute-as-can-be baby wall hangings were given to us by Gma E post Barrett's birth.

They were crafted by a quite creative classmate of mine who will forever be known as Jamie O.}

{Though the bare necessities remain from Barrett, we have been purchasing a few new finds here and there. Included in our recent pick-me-ups, a 1-2-3 Ultimate Swaddle Blankie (we borrowed one the first 7 months of B's life. LIFESAVER.)

and a few pieces of clothing for our peanut.}

{The lamp... our inspiration for the first Brehm nursery.

The wall art... such perfectly pointed words... }

{Among the purchases... new freshly laundered burp cloths. I must admit... I had to throw Barrett's away. After months of seeing them everywhere, I actually wanted to burn them. But I resisted. And now, we have bought an entirely new supply. I am secretly hoping that this basket will soon be filled with those pretty little designer cloths that are meant to just look cute. Hey, a girl can dream.}

{Barrett was gifted a similar Blankie in brown by a few of my CFF board members. He still snuggles with it each night in his slumber. We purchased this for baby Grin in Grey and I heart it. I am thinking I may bite the bullet for the biggie later on...}

{Newborn neutrals=washed and ready to wear}

{Another necessity - imo - Sophie - or as we call her, Suze.

We love Suze and she was a sure thing with Baby B. So, Grin gets his/her own giraffe}

We still have a few projects in Grin's Green Room {a photo project, getting out the baby toys} but for now, we are feeling pretty prepared for our peanut. What finds do you feel you can't live without?? I'd love to hear... please share!

Keep an Eye On It...

2011-05-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Adam, Barrett and I jumped in the car and cruised on down I-80 for our first of two appointments for week 33. Luckily {and I really do mean that} Adam had looked at the wrong day in his calendar and we thought the appointment was scheduled for 8:45. After sitting on the Interstate for 20 minutes, I phone MFM and let them know the sitch and that we'd likely be late ... but all was well because our appointment was actually at 9:30. So, after nearly a half hour longer stuck at a standstill, we were able to hit the hospital right on time.

One might think that after that time stuck in traffic, my blood pressure would have been pumping but this just proves, my BP is one fickle fellow. It was better than the prior appointment {138/97!! woo hoo!!} and had me breathing easy. And... in very promising news, lil' Grin was breathing easily, too. We had our first biophysical profile. A biophys profile essentially couples an ultrasound with a nonstress test and helps the smarties see how our little babe is breathing. Now... I didn't know this before Barrett so sorry if I'm being elementary, but babes don't actually breathe 24/7 in utero but they do get practice in here and there. On Monday, Grin gasped immediately and the fluid is looking full!!

The only weirdness for now... my eye and face are tingly. Not like numb tingly. Like tingly tingly {I know. That's supey dupey descriptive}. Dr. Kenney checked out my face and while there may be very mild drooping and puffiness in comparison to the unaffected eye, it isn't currently cause for concern. It could be bell's palsy or could be due to my blood pressure. Either way, it's not affecting Grin so we can go on about our biz. He told me to keep an eye on it. I, of course, responded that I'd make sure to use the good eye to keep an eye on it. He then responded "You only have one good eye?!". Someday I'll learn to know my audience...

Just as with Barrett, this is the point in the pregnancy that Dr. K and I get quite familiar with one another. So, back to Lincoln Thursday for another glimpse into Grin's world. 34 weeks... here we come!

Oprah's On... Gotta Get... Gotta Go-O...

2011-05-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

I can't claim that I'm an Ultimate Viewer. I haven't watched every single episode. I haven't always finished the shows that I start and that I soon decide don't interest me. But I love Oprah and I really love the Oprah Show. I know there are haters out there. People who don't share my affinity for O, but I can think of very few people who use their fame and fortune to be such profound difference makers in our society. And so, if for no other reason, I love the lady.

Oprah has empowered me in moments when I least expected it. She's made me see that people with so much less have done so much more. She has given the world hundreds of smiling faces... little lights that otherwise would not get to shine so bright...ordinary janes and joes that we can look up to. Strive to be like. Learn to love. I could say all the obvious cliches... I've laughed, cried, loved and learned with Oprah because her show is just that good.

As I've watched the final shows ... more specifically the last two days of fantastic farewells, I find myself seeing that there are few types of folks Oprah has not touched. She is a perpetual pebble splashing puddles and spreading a ripple through and through. For me, it is sad to say goodbye to the Oprah show and I don't know that anyone can ever fill her Louboutin's. Farewell Miss O. You will be missed.

In the Great Blue Room...

2011-05-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I can safely post about Barrett's Blue Room. I think, for now, we're in the clear. When we moved B into his new room, I had great fear that the transition would be a bumpy one but Barrett has been rocking out his big boy room like it's nobody's business. To date, we've had no escape attempts, no sleepless nights and truly, we're counting our lucky stars. I've heard many-a-horror story regarding the transition from crib to bed and had prepared myself for some momma drama but so far, my friends, soooo good.

Here are all the details on his digs... for anyone who's interested:

Before:

{I know. I should have taken a real before pic. But I forgot.

You're lucky I have this one.

Prior to painting, this room served as a guest room with a queen bed and the same hue of builders' beige that coats much of our casa}

After:

{The main view of the room from the doorway...}

In Between:

{I hate painting. I've given the old college try several times over but there is no love between the paintbrush and myself. Luckily... my sweet, fantastic, and selfless friend, Jess, loves to paint. And asked if she could help do B's room... hmmm... let me think on that... OKAY!

She paints without taping. Below is a perfect example of my attempt at edging with this method. It did not go well. Let's be real, Jess painted the room and I, watched it dry}

{Paint complete! I love the blue hue!

Barrett does too...

for weeks before we moved the furniture in,

he'd go stand in the doorway and talk about his "Boo woom"}

{A few keepsakes for Mr. B}

{A comfy corner to pop a squat}

{A bin for books, toys and whatevers topped with his new Twilight Turtle.

Each night B beams as he selects the "curtle" star color.}

{A closer view of the plaid bed where our sweetpea lays his head}

{Guardrail. Tres' necessary.}

{Transportation-themed sheets. Plaid bedding.}

{Green and red, next to the bed.}

{bRIGHT pICTURES adorn the wall}

{A dresser to grow into.}

{A perfectly placed bookshelf... nope, we didn't plan that and we hadn't measured.

A gift from Grandma and Grandpa E that fits to a t.}

And so, the great green room is handed down to Grin.

And the great blue room, well, it's only just begun!

Are You a Boy or a Girl...

2011-05-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

"So when are you due?"

"July"

"And what are you having?"

"We don't know."

"When will you be able to find out?"

"We're non-finder-outers. We will find out when the baby pops out of me."

"I bet you really want a girl."

"Really we don't care. Just as long as the babe's healthy, we'll be happy."

"Is this your first?"

"Nope. Second."

"What was your first?"

"A boy."

"I bet you REALLY want a girl now!"

Seriously. People. Let's talk about why there are so many things wrong with the above interaction. A conversation which, throughout my collective 69 weeks of pregnancy, I've had at least once a week. Generally with strangers. On occasion with acquaintances. Rarely with friends. They know my beef.

After having that exact conversation with the checker at Wal-Mart the other day, I dialed up Dodie (my mom) and immediately began to vent. I believe I promised that the next person who stated that they were certain we really wanted a girl would be punched. And quite honestly, at that moment, I would have delivered on my promise.

If you've ever had the gall to say to someone, "I bet you really want a girl (or a boy... but being a woman, I've never once had someone say that)", I'm here to share with you why I think that's horribly gauche and classless {Yep... Call me Countess Luann}.

Perhaps the person you are chatting it up with does have a preference. But if they don't, there could be a reason you haven't even considered...

1. Infertility - Over 6.1 million women in the United States have difficulty conceiving or staying pregnant. I am so not making that number up. It's legit. Not everyone just looks at their spouse and winds up with child. For all the women who try and try to get pregnant, the idea of preferring one gender to the other becomes extremely unimportant. Pink or Blue... being with babe is the real gift.

2. Miscarriage - Many sources estimate that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. For so many who have experienced the loss of a fetus, finally hearing a viable heartbeat has to be magnificently mahvelous. So, no matter the sex, these are sure to be beaming parents-to-be.

3. Health=Happiness - When we knew that Barrett was healthy... that was a glorious moment. To think that I would have wasted my time hoping for anything other than that seems just silly post-birth. I know people with sick kiddos and I have to think that the sex of the babe was minimally important once they got the news that their sweetpea was sickly. The entire process from implantation to birth is exceptional and miraculous. Would something like gender really keep you from utterly adoring your little love?

4. You like what you know - We LOVE Barrett. We would have loved him no less or greater if he had been Barretta. One person had the audacity to ask if I was sad when we had Barrett and found out Snowball had balls. No you weird, horrid person. We were not sad.

5. Last but not Least - Perhaps another reason we just, plum don't care, is because we hope to have another child. Because of this, I am not in the mindset of this being our "last shot". But, if it is our last shot and we have another boy, we will be thrilled... for the various reasons I posted before.

I think sometimes people don't always think about the questions you ask someone who is pregnant. I mean, mamas-to-be are often already emotional balls of baby-bearing blubber, do you really want to make one cry?

Of note, a few other questions I believe should be left to the wayside unless you are tight as spanx with the mom-to-be include...

1. Was it planned? - If the pregnancy was unplanned, often times people will share that information without prodding and poking. If you have to think if you should ask, hold your tongue.

2. How long did you try? - Again, if people want to fork out this info, they will. Before becoming Grin+Barrett's mom, I asked this question all the time. Now, I try to never ask because, if for no other reason, it's really none of my beeswax.

So, I'm certainly not standing on my virtual soapbox saying you can't have a desire or a preference for the sex of your baby... that's a personal choice. But I do think that unless you know someone really well, making assumptions only... well, you know what assuming can do...

If you're curious what I think {not prefer} the baby on the brehm is, I think, without anymore than 1.2% doubt that Grin is a boy. Adam thinks he's a girl. I will admit, I did confirm with the ultrasound tech that Grin is 100% one or the other... fair question, I say. But all in all...pink or blue, we don't care which hue.

All My Bags Are Packed...

2011-05-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Er. Um. Not really. I do have a bag. Out. In our bedroom. The very same bag that I filled chock full of stuff, love and fears nearly 2 and half years ago when we set off for St. E's, currently sits in the corner of our bedroom with nothing but a nursing bra to fill it {and really, that would have to be one large nursing bra...}. At 33 weeks, perhaps it seems premature to have our bags packed and ready to go but as things ran ahead with Snowball, I know I should get on my game and get going on packing for our peanut. But this time around, I am just trying to remember what I will even need.

Silly, right? I've been there done that...and really, not too long ago. And last time, I took everything but the kitchen sink. Seriously. I wish I had a picture somewhere of the haul Adam and I loaded into the Jeep when we set sail with Snowball. And, if anyone from my graduating class remembers my days of sporting events, over-packing {or rather packing things that just don't apply to running in circles, jumping into sand, swinging a racquet or setting a vball} has long been an issue for yours truly {but I come by it honestly, have you met my mom?}.

From what I can remember, the list of the load I took with B would have looked something like this:

-Clothes - I seriously think by the time I finished packing, I had enough clothes for a two week vacay. One thing I packed -- Jeans. I will definitely not be packing jeans this time. The last thing I wanted to wear after popping out a peanut was denim. Ouch. And I almost believe I packed a dress to go home in {sorry, Rosie Pope, I only take the Preggo in Heels business so far}. Luckily I also packed a sweat suit. And yes, practicality won out {it was February for goodness sake}.

-Robe(s) - Yes. The plurality is necessary. I brought two robes. One was thin, one was a heavy terry type. I brought them for my walks in the halls. Ha! Turns out, when every nook and cranny is hooked up to a monitor, mamma isn't moving anywhere but the bathroom and is fairly well marooned to the hospital bed. One robe may come with us this time and it will be one that takes no room and is light-weight {although, admittedly, I did get tons of compliments on my very cute, heart-patterned piece so I may need to find something with a little flair}.

- Sports Bra(s) - Not sure how many I packed but I do know that I didn't have a single nursing bra at the time. While birthing a babe is definitely athletic, I will scale back on these necessities and add in a nursing bra {or 2} for the post-birth days.

- Undies - I honestly recall packing about 17 pair of undies for Snowball's big soiree. Though we were there for about 5 days, you don't need 17 pair of skivvies. You're wearing a hospital gown for a good portion of your stay. And you definitely don't need any that aren't full-coverage {IMO}...thongs have no place in the hospital bed with you. Nothing needs to be hugging that area for a good week at least at that point. What you can enjoy are the hospital-issued gauze undergarms. Magical comfort for a new mama.

- Slippers - I packed 3 pair of slippers: 1 pair of regular slippers. 1 pair of hot pink flip-flop slippers {I think you can see, just because you are doing a big deed doesn't mean fashion has to go to the wayside}. 1 pair of slipper socks. Again, three pair...for roaming the halls {because, you know, one pair might get worn out...er something}. Not necessary. 1 pair will be sufficient for such things. And we shall see which ones win out.

- Toiletries - Full bottles of shampoo, conditioner, hair products, hairspray ... I ended up showering ONE time while there. Travel sized suds will be in order this time. And hairspray, really? Okay... while I may pack some, it will be travel tote worthy.

- Hairdryer... Straightener - I make no apologies for this. There's nothing like getting back to feeling like yourself a bit after birthing for a few days.

- Make-Up - Judge all you want. After receiving the epidural at 5 am, from 5 to go time, I was the most comfortable I'd been since I being admitted 36 hours before. About 30 minutes prior to pushing, I was lying on my left side, monitors on momma and making up my face. No lie. I believed I had at least another half a day in there and might as well look normal while doing it.

- iPod and Dock - Another, imo, must-have. I had made a rather extensive playlist for labor. The majority of the songs were soothing -- Enya, Jim Brickman {love him}, Norah Jones -- but I had a few surprises like -- Daniel Bedingfield's "I gotta get thru this" and Wilson Phillips "Hold On". Anyone with music suggestions, pass 'em my way.

- DVDs - I had little to no desire to watch much of the boob tube once the ball got rolling {or I got on the ball} ... and having Sex and The City the Movie playing while the nurses came in and out {think Samantha watching her nakey neighbor} was a poor choice.

- Magazines, books, notepads, anything else you think might entertain you - I had a stack of gossip mags. I have a picture of me reading one the first night we got there. From what I remember, that was the extent. Turns out, giving birth is less of a spa vacay than I knew.

- Snacks - We took oodles of foodles. Not just for me, of course, much of it for Adam but once I checked in, I didn't get to eat for about 20 hours so ... some of the booty could have stayed behind.

- A bag of coin - Every list you see recommends having a bag of change with you for vending machines. I'd have to ask Adam if this was necessary. I was otherwise engaged.

- A dozen roses - My sweet sweet sweetie had given me a dozen b-e-a-utiful bouquet which I decided to transport to and fro. Though I love my sweetie bear, toting a vase with water sloshing about an hour each way was a lot more fuss than needed.

- A cake - No. You did not just misread that. We took our own cake. A very delicious cake called "Wedding Cake" made at an eatery in Omaha, we ordered it once we knew the plan, toted it down to Lincoln and housed it for two days as we waited for Snowball's Birth Day. After Snowball rolled in and became Barrett, we had a Birth Day celebration in the hospital room. {In full disclosure, I must admit that I am obsessed with this cake and would make excuses all day long for reasons we should order it}.

- My Birth Plan - I wish I still had a copy of my birth plan. It was a small novel on the idyllic conditions under which I hoped to welcome Snowball into the world. Once again, I didn't account for the house arrest they put you under when you are technically high-risk and I didn't think that once they broke my water I would immediately patiently request {ahem.} narcotics so much of the birth plan went out the window. And that's... okay.

- Pillows - We each brought our own pillows from home. I was told by a dear friend that I would want a comfy pillow. But really, after so many different pillows being brought in for props, we would have been just fine without ones from home. I also didn't realize that I'd only be sleeping for 35 minute increments {oh Fentanyl... I haven't missed you} so it didn't really matter what pillow I had. In those conditions, you could fall asleep on a bed of porcupines if necessary ... it would pail in comparison to the pain of contractions.

- 1 pink, 1 blue - We brought one pink and one blue outfit for taking the babe home as was suggested. What I didn't realize is that we only took clothes for past-prime peanuts so... those were out the window. Luckily, our parents purchased some sweet preemie picks and we were able to put B in something other than the St. E's swaddle blankie and knitted stocking cap. We have made one pink purchase and one blue so far for this time around {I totally heart them} and when we know we're past the point of preemie, I will go pick out something new to take.

- What to Expect When Expecting - My recommendation? Leave the dictionary of doom at home for delivery. When they told us B was being tested for Spina Bifida, I read from this book and wanted to launch it against the wall.

- Tennis Balls, Back Massagers, etc - Yes. Yes and more Yes. No... you won't have a lot of time to hit the turf while at the hospital but if you experience back labor {heck, I am guessing no matter what you're experiencing} these tools of the trade can be extremely helpful.

- Diaper Bag, Diapers, and all that jazz - I think I will leave this at home this time. The hospital provides so much loot these days and I plan to take full advantage.

- Carseat - This is a no-brainer. Must. Take.

I am sure I'm leaving out a few other things I found to be essential at the time... camera, flipcam, etc... but regardless, you get the gist... I was packing heavier than Lee Harvey Oswald. But. I'm thinking revisiting my bulging baggage for my last birth will help me have a little more perspective for packing this time. I think the major difference is that for the second trip to St E's, even if I walk in with only the shirt on my back, modern medicine ensures that we will have a beautiful babe. Everything else is just icing on the cake {and you'd better believe we'll have that cake again}.

Barrett and Bobby Gwin...

2011-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what it's going to be like for Barrett once Grin arrives. I have fears that he may feel sad {which he has started sharing with us on occasion: "Barrett sad" or "Happy Barrett"}, jealous or left out of the mix. But really, I hope that he'll love Baby Grin as much as he currently does. Bobby Gwin {per Barrett} has become a member of our family already. Barrett extends greetings and hugs to Bobby on a regular basis. He doles out bedtime kisses and cuddles via my belly and boobs {yep. my boobs}. He likes to say the proposed baby name game in which we say the names and he repeats saying "Fwed. Bobby Fwed. Fwed the Bobby". He refers to his former sleeping space as Bobby Gwin's Gween Woom.

And, on occasion, when asked where baby Grin lives, Barrett has pointed directly to south of my border and smiled while saying "Bobby Gwin". No joke. I don't know whether this is an upgrade from the few weeks he spent pointing to my massive milkers when asked about Grin but regardless, it leaves me quite red in the face. I honestly am not sure where he developed this {correct} theory but for this less than two and a half year old, I very quickly redirect his hand to my belly and try to go on about my business.

He seems fond of this mythical Bobby Gwin character. We'll see what he thinks of the real deal.

32.5 weeks ... Pressure Cooker...

2011-05-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Adam, Barrett and I headed down to see Dr. K today. It was an appointment that, I must admit, I've been dreading a bit since my blood pressure started to boil again. I got myself all gussied up to see Grin. Bronzed my face, straightened my hair, lacquered my lashes. Today, I had to look good for Grin and I knew I had to look extra good for Dr. K. Not like, look hot {I'm 32.5 weeks along, hot is nearly impossible at this point}... but look healthy, awake, bright and cheery. I can recall several times throughout the time I've spent with Dr. K that he has said "Well, you still look good so, we'll proceed as normal". So, face on and hair fluffed, we headed to St. E's.

My blood pressure registered at 159/107 today. Not exactly what I was hoping for but after my recent at-home readings, somewhat expected. I've continued to have fairly persistent headaches and on occasion see floating fireflies so, it's evident to me that the third trimester is in full force. Luckily though, during the ultrasound, the good doctor poked his head in, took one look at me and said that while my blood pressure was concerning, I was still looking good and so, home again home again, jiggity jog. Also, Grin is still showing positive growth with a current weight guesstimation provided from what they glean on the screen at 3.4 pounds {and yet, I've gained nearly 25 pounds ... I still don't get that whole piece}. The prescription for the next few days ... take my meds, take it easy and begin the two-time-a-week-treks for time with the ultrasound techs. So, starting next week, we will see Dr. Kenney on Mondays and Thursdays and Grin will get some extra love and attention prior to making his/her grand entrance. Here's hoping that as the temps heat up, Baby Grin continues to grow and my blood pressures cool off!

The Name Game...

2011-05-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

Oy. It's that time again. The time where Adam and I realize that little Grin, will, at some point, grow out of his/her current casa and join the Brehm brood. So, we are tasked once again with a great responsibility and it is that of naming our newest cherubic child. While Grin has served as a fine moniker while inside of momma, we can't bank on always having our children's names be based on a joke {grin+barrett}.

As was no secret while Snowball snuggled inside and is once again evident with Grin, naming is a source of great anxiety for me. I drag Adam into drawn-out discussions on possible titles for our tot in which we make lengthy lists and assign numeric ratings...it's all very OOC. When I say it out loud, that naming is so nerve-wracking, it sounds ridiculous but when I think it through, I can see clearly what a rational human being I am. Seriously folks ... one wrong letter ... one missed joke ... and a life of crap slinging from kids and family members alike will surely be our fetus' fate.

After paring our lists of possibilities for Snowball to two pink pairs and two blue, we felt good about our choices for our first child. Then, that whole crazy having the baby thing occurred and following 2.5 days of working to see Snowball's face, I was wiped.

So in reality, after months of racking our Brehm brains for the perfect name, this is what went down:

Me to Adam as I held Barrett (approximately 3 hours after birth):

"I think he looks like a Harrison"

Adam to me:

"Really...I was thinking Barrett"

Me to Adam:

"Okay"

I was stupid tired and I guess I figured that if Adam had not left me after seeing a baby spring from my hoo ha, then he was as good of person as I to settle the decision between the two final firsts. After months of pondering Snowball's persona, scouring websites, perusing a variety of baby books and scribbling his/her potential signature, in less than two minutes, it was decided.

But don't be fooled into thinking this is making us lackadaisical on Grin's name search. Oh no, my friends. The name game is back and bigger than ever. This time, our list has had as many as 10 for gents and 14 for girls...and are now down to less than 5 per sex. It seems like for a lot of parents-to-be, I hear that they either a) can't agree on a single name or b) have had the name of their dreams picked out since moby dick was a minnow. While Adam and I can totally agree on names, it is impossible for me to narrow it down. It's hard enough for me to choose a place to eat dinner... the idea of choosing a name for a person to keep for their entire life= stress.

People like to give suggestions and for most suggestions, I have an opposition or food for thought, if you will, regarding the name. We want something original but not like made-up original {Apparently Alicia Silverstone chose Bear Blue. Seriously}. We want something that's classic but not old {no Bert here} or adversely, new but not too trendy {not thinking of Pilot Brehm}. We steer somewhat clear of family names {neither of our mothers even go by their given names}. We try to decide if each name sounds good with Brame and Bremm. We try to determine if the syllables make music. And this time around, a new consideration, something that doesn't sound ridiculous when paired with Barrett {So, yes, Grin is out}.

After such a dilemma in deeming Barrett as such, I have to say, we totally gush over his name. He's just Barrett. And I can't picture him being anything but.

So, what will Grin's name be... only time will tell.

One Step Closer to a Cure...

2011-05-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the Great Strides Omaha Walk. If you've long followed BOTB, you know my affinity for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

To see the first-hand story of Samuel Bryant, a local patient who I absolutely adore, please click here.

If you don't know my story or you want a refresher as to why I continue to walk and why this cause has become so personal, please check out this link.

To make a donation to my team, please click here.

I very much believe there will be a control for cystic fibrosis in my lifetime. Join in the fight today and be a part of the cure.

Oh, the Things They Don't Tell You...

2011-05-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

In talking to one of my friends at her baby shower before I was gestating Grin, we began talking about the things that mothers never mention regarding packing on a peanut. She said "No one tells you that you won't be able to see your good girl {my choice of wording, not hers} anymore". I immediately let out a giggle and she continued "I haven't been able to clear things up in those parts for a good month". Oh the things they don't tell you...

From conception to delivery to post-partum, there is a plethora of pieces people leave out. Some, because you kind of forget and some because it's just not polite to talk about such business in public. Well, that rule is out the window with me. Here are just a few of the observations I've made from beginning to end of bearing a babe. I am telling you now, if you are so not in this place yet {as in, don't want to know some of the gory details } or you are a dude who can't handle the truth, please, I beg of you, do not proceed. You've been warned.

1. My baby-bearing bladder is truly the size of a pee {no, this is not a typo}. A very smalllllll pee, in fact. If I should, say, sneeze, laugh or perhaps even just stand differently and am not quick enough to clench, than you better believe I might lose a little liquid. Yes. It's sort of awful to admit. People say Kegels will help. Lie.

2. Carrying a peanut can make for problems pooping. Whether it's the onset of taking your prenatal vitamins or as one of my friends pointed out, the Zofran you're taking to not toss your cookies, you can find yourself severely stopped up during pregnancy. Don't sweat the small {or big} stuff. Talk with your doc about a stool softener.

3. Sleeping can be a real drag. Everyone talks about the amount of sleep you lack following the birth of a babe... but as I've noted previously, with this pregnancy, I've discovered sleep can range from totally normal to severely sucky. With B, I slept famously ... with Grin, we've had our ups and downs. Regardless, if you've never been pregnant, sleep well now. Especially if you're a stomach sleeper... at 5 months in, that became nearly impossible.

4. You may feel some pretty strange things inside that growing belly. Most recently, it felt as if I was sitting on a cell phone that had been set to vibrate ... for a good three hour chunk of time. After further investigation, apparently this sensation occurs at times because your fetus is fixed on a blood vessel or nerve. Thank goodness it finally stopped... I couldn't figure out who was trying to call me for that long.

5. Along with the buzzing, there may be burrowing going on in your belly. There have been times with both Grin&Barrett that I believed the babe was trying to make it's grand entrance based on the twisting, tossing, turning and punching inside my pouch. The movements can be so grand that you might believe the kiddo is actually planning a prison break and will soon walk right out the front door.

6. Weirdness happens while you're preggo. The weirdness that I've experienced with Grin has been a completely different set of weirdness than I had with Barrett. With Barrett I had a numb tingling sensation in my digits for pretty much the entire pregnancy. I also baked and baked and baked throughout the entire pregnancy but craved salty, crunchy goodness. With Grin, I had immense sinus pressure throughout the first 20+ weeks. I've, for the first time I can recall in my life, contended with split ends on my locks. I've craved iced tea... in a plastic cup. It's all just weird.

7. I'm not Jewish. Nor do I generally speak in Yiddish. But I am, for sure, shvitsing. Throughout both pregnancies and post-partum with B, I often awake sweaty as a you-know-what in church. As I normally live sans bouncing breasts, it is a totally new thing to wake with sweat sitting under my milk makers. I also find that as the temps begin to rise, I perspire just sitting. Awesome sauce.

8. There is this thing called round ligament pain. And I think that on occasion, it hurts like a beast. It doesn't mean anything is wrong but it can alarm a momma-to-be a bit at first. It sorta feels like you pulled a muscle inside your baby maker region. The first time I had it with Barrett, I thought it was a contraction, only to discover several months later that it pails in comparison to the immense pressure and stab-me-in-the-eye-with-a-fork pain of contractions.

9. After birth, you don't just hold your baby and go on with the day. While they are assessing the babe, they also have to take care of your Girl Friday. This includes delivering your placenta and then, perhaps, stitching. I found this part incredibly weird only because I honestly didn't even think about the fact that it had to occur.

10. You don't just push the baby out without experiencing a fair amount of aftermath. There is a fair amount of evidence that you've pushed a little one out of your Lady Gaga. I had no idea how long the bleeding business would continue. And how long I'd have to pack on a pad. Again, not a horrific, horrible reality but to me, was a piece I just hadn't even stopped to think about prior to getting pregnant.

10+. Goodbye Victoria's Secret, hello Gauze Undergarments. No joke. The hospital provides you with some pretty rockin' spanks that are made of a gauze-like material. While they are not a forever thing, they are pretty hilarious. They are perfect for the jumbo iced pads you pack in them, though, so I suppose it's function over form.

There's likely a whole load more that I've missed so please, if you want, do share your own. But, if you've not yet headed down the path to pregnancy, hopefully this gives you a more realistic view on what you can expect when expecting. And while the pregnancy and end result can include more than you bargained for, I promise, it's so worth it. Really.

Moonlighting on Momaha...

2011-05-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

Check out my guest post today at Momaha.com. If you read BOTB regularly, you just might know the man I'm referring to here...

Happy Monday!

Happy Mother's Day...

2011-05-08T15:27:00.001-07:00

Following the birth of Barrett I had a realization. Just days after giving birth and holding our sweet little gift from God in my arms, I thought there will come a day when my parents will no longer be here... and there will come a day when we will not be here for our children. Becoming a parent immediately puts things in perspective. Life. Is. Short.

My mom often recalls her last mother's day with her own mother. It was 20 years ago. The woman who had been there for my mom from her very first breath, held her in her arms as a helpless baby, who had guided her through childhood, who had given her blessing on the love of my mom's life, and who had been a constant source of support as my mother and father raised their own three children, was ill. Always a strong, tender woman, her heart just could not keep up. It was likely tired from all the loving it had done throughout her years as a wife, a mother and a grandmother. She was a classy lady who enjoyed reading. She was intelligent and loved Yahtzee and cards. She always had orange soda in the cupboard and often delicious baked goods in the oven. And though older than many of my friend's grandparents, she had an always apparent affinity towards her grandchildren. And those few things are only a small part of the grand woman she was.

I was in third grade when she passed away. At the time, I couldn't possibly understand the enormity of the situation. My mother was losing her mom. She could not just pick up the phone and talk with her any longer. She could never again spend the day talking about nothing important and feeling like it was one of the best days she ever had. She couldn't feel her embrace when a hug is all she needed or reach out and feel the touch of her precious, aging hands. Life. Is. Short.

It was not until that realization I had after Barrett breathed his first breath that I started to feel hurt for my mom. I felt like she'd been cheated. By all the years she spent without her mom. The moments her mom didn't get to see... high school and college graduations for each of us kids, weddings, and the birth of a new generation to the family. And I realized, that it is likely that some day... there will be a moment when it feels like I need her more than ever, that my mom won't be there in anything more than spirit. To imagine a day when I can't call my mom mid-day to share my mommy needs a mocktail moment... A day when I can't ask her for her thoughts on the type of mother I am... When I can't just count on a deliciously flawless meal with a good glass of wine... or to celebrate a birthday without hearing the entire story of my birth. Those thoughts sting.

For now, I believe my very active, healthy, hot mama will be around for quite awhile. I believe that she will be there when the somedays for our children become the days. But in having my own children, I am reminded that forever is not a guarantee. Tomorrows are not a for sure thing. Life. Is. Short.

So in case I don't say it enough. In the event that my mom doesn't know...

I love you, mom.

You are beautiful.

I think so much of the way that you and dad raised us.

I appreciate our daily conversations.

I am thankful that after two high-risk pregnancies, you decided to have me.

I am jealous of your cooking. But I am glad I get to enjoy it.

I love that you share so much of your past with my present.

I admire your persistence, even on crutches.

I know you've always loved me unconditionally, even if there were moments when you hated my behavior.

Because of you, I know how to be a mom.

To think of a day without you makes me feel way too grown up... but mentally, I will always be your baby.

And I want to make sure you know. Because...Life. Is. Short.

Thanks to all of the incredible mothers I am lucky enough to know.

You are phenomenal women.

Mommy Needs a Mocktail...

2011-05-06T12:34:00.001-07:00

In the life of a stay-at-home mom, Fridays can be great... after all, you're at the end of the work week. Fridays can also be bad for business ... a final day of the week to "get through" before daddy is around for the weekend days.

The morning started out quite nicely. After a lovely morning visit from my fairy Godmother, Sue and her grandson, Cole, Barrett and I made our way to the nearest Hallmark store to collect cards and such for the upcoming Mom's Day. I must start by saying that I should know by now that taking a two year old to Hallmark isn't fair to the two year old. With so many bright colored cards calling his name, Barrett can hardly control his desire to open and shut every card within reach and we end up with cards stuffed in every nook and cranny in our wake. Additionally, Barrett wants to pick out the most random of cards for different occasions...so if I ever send you a "With Deepest Sympathy" card in celebration of your birthday, you'll know why.

After snagging a handful of greetings and waiting nearly 10 minutes at the register, I found that my only source of payment had been left inside my purse which is still, inside my vehicle. I gathered Barrett {from the ground. ahem.} and we ran to the Jeep, grabbed the purse and headed back to pay. Upon completion, we headed out the door. As we stood at the curb, awaiting passing traffic, the Hallmark sack began to give and suddenly split in half. Yep... all seven cards and seven envelopes took off...swirling about the parking lot. I released Barrett's hand from mine {just in case you're about to dial CPS, he was still on the sidewalk} and followed the cards {of course it HAD to be another wiiiiiindy day} like a mad woman running haphazardly after the scattered papers. Two gentlemen came on the scene and assisted in chasing papers this way and that... two cars waited patiently as the debacle played out... Barrett, crying crocodile tears by this point, began yelling mommy! over and over. If you were lucky enough to be an onlooker, I'm sure I looked like a pregnant person playing Twister ... one foot on the pink envelope, one hand on the Grandma card, one eye on my child, the other on traffic.

Luckily, due to the assistance of two very nice bystanders, we returned to the Jeep with 7 envelopes, 7 cards, 1 book, 1 roll of gold stamp stickers and 1 receipt to verify I, indeed had everything I brought.

Once I returned home, I called my mother to share the moment with her. As I did so, I opened the fridge, pulled out a jar of strawberry Jam and proceeded to drop it on the floor and shatter it to bits and pieces. The f bomb {yep. sorry, mom...and Barrett} flew out of my mouth, I shooed Barrett away from the scattered glass and hung up the phone.

Thank goodness for naptime. Thank goodness it's Friday. This momma needs a mocktail.

In the Great Green Room...

2011-05-05T13:22:00.001-07:00

When we painted Snowball's nursery, I had no idea how fitting it was. Walls striped in shamrock green. Most people probably thought us eccentric but I suppose there are worst things. Due to my aversion for pastelly pastels {yes... I just have to be different}, we opted for a very non-neutral green hue inspired by one fantastic lamp and a sale-rack cribskirt. We accompanied with black and white and voila... a babyonthebrehm nursery was born. And several times a week, when Barrett's bedtime selection is Goodnight Moon, I feel that the great green room was meant to be.

Today is the final day for it to be Barrett's great green room as tonight, he will snuggle down for slumber in his big boy bed in his blue hue room. With two and a quarter years spent sleeping in his crib and a consistent bedtime routine {read. pray. kisses. cuddles. song}, we have no idea how it will go. For a child who so loves routine and is so adverse to change, I've no doubt it will be met with resistance but all in all, I think he's ready for the transition.

It was our dear Dr. Dek's suggestion that we move Barrett earlier than later as some children otherwise associate the change of venue with the addition of the baby and then feel hurt by this change. We both thought that idea was valid and determined we'd move him by the time the third trimester approached... which is a totally realistic plan when you're a first time parent {to have the nursery completed by such and such date} but becomes much more subject to change with an actual child who has ear infections, surgery and binkie be-gone schedules to work around. But after weeks of slowwwly preparing his room, it's now time... we've decided on it and there's no turning back.

We shall see what tonight brings. We shall see what tomorrow's nap brings but for right now, our {still} very little boy is snuggled in his very big boy bed in the great Blue Room {pictures and info to come:)}.

Tune-Up Tuesday...

2011-05-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

But it's not Tuesday, you say. I know, I know... stay with me here {really... try... LONG POST ALERT}. After a fantastic weekend visiting my favorite brother and fam in Kansas City, I was ready for a standard, uneventful week. I was going to have an ultrasound Monday at Jearlyn's office {what can I say, I love ultrasounds:)} and had a few playdates planned with friends but according to my schedule, week 30 would come and go without much tadoo.

Cue Monday morning. I woke feeling a-okay. Barrett and I headed down to Lincoln for our ultrasound. While en route, I had a bad feeling I might barf {argh. Why did I think, even for a second, I could travel without my fairy godmother's emesis bag?}. After a stop for water {and terribly disgusting dollar menu french toast sticks for B...why do those things always look better than they taste?}, we picked up grandma E and headed for Heart and Hands. Ultrasound was fan-flippin-tastic. Not only was Grin moving and a-shaking but currently weighs in at 2 lbs 14 ounces which puts us right on track for growth. After a bp check, I was feeling good with a reading of 135/94... pretty standard...heck, even a little lower than standard if we're being real {and we always are, right?}. All in all, good morning.

On the ride home, I once again felt a little nauseated but worse ... my head began to pound. This is not completely abnormal for me for this pregnancy. But by naptime, I was officially hurting. My eyes felt better squinted and scrunched up. Though my stomach didn't hurt, I thought that the nausea would soon lead to tossing my cookies. I tried to nap but that wasn't happening. My head thumped and my blood pumped. By the time Adam came home from work, I was on the couch, eyes closed all the while trying to make sure Barrett didn't get into the knife drawer or find the matches. I had tried (separately) E.T. Tylenol and Fiorcet {a headache med they gave me in early preggophase} but nothing was cutting this clinger. So, at 7:ish, I caved. I called my merry midwife on her cell {I know... I hate to be that girl} and discussed the dish with her. She talked with Dr. K and they gave me 3 options... go to Methodist E.R., drive to Lincoln to St. E's, or wait it out until the a.m. and see Dr. K. With a two year old's pending bedtime and a just-plain-feeling-silly-about-going-to-the-er-for-a-headache feeling, I decided to try to sleep it off.

Upon waking up in the A.M. my head was still in total attack mode so Adam and I got B in the car, met up with grandma B {thank God!} and headed down to see Dr. K. My BP was awesome ... 120s over 80s range, Grin was moving great, we'd had a great ultrasound the day prior... I still felt stupid going in for a headache...but by that point, it was so bothersome, I just needed for it to cease. Dr. K checked out everything... my nervous system business, my bp, did a dipstick for protein, and had me spit quarters while spinning plates in the air... and while all that came out perfecto, I was, as I told him, feeling totally shitty {yep. that's what I said.}. So, they admitted me. For a headache.

Short story very long {I know... we're already there} I was hooked up to monitor Grin's goings-ons, I was filled up with Vitamin B6, morphine and Magnesium Sulfate and was told to rest. First of all, how people take narcotics on a regular basis is beyond me ... while the morphine cut the headache for about 22 minutes, it felt like I had poured tequila directly into my vein. Second, magnesium sulfate is some crazy stuff. Not only did it make me feel like I was breathing fire when I spoke but also, it made me forget Tuesday was even happening. By the time we were discharged, I was feeling warm and fuzzy, quite lethargic {my BP was 110/65!} and I still had a headache... but a much less painful one. While Jearlyn wanted to keep me over night, they agreed that if I took it very easy over the next couple of days, I would be able to go home. Of biggest concern in hypertensive mamas-to-be with headaches are seizures, stroking and stillborns but with all things checking out beyond beautifully {they ran everything from ABCs to CBCs}, I was free to sleep in my own bed ... which I gladly welcomed.

With Barrett still at Grandma and Grandpa's house yesterday, I was able to lay around, sleep off the drugs and catch up on my reality tv. I feel 98% better today and while I feel stupid for going to the hospital for a headache, I think Tune-Up Tuesday was a success and I assume if my doctors decided on it, quite necessary. For now, we'll watch my bp vigilantly, do our kick counts and say a prayer that I'm not admitted to St. E's for at least another 6.5 weeks.

So, that's my very very long story about the day I spent in the hospital for a headache {I'm sure those bills will be awesome}. And while otherwise, this is a very normal week, without much tadoo, I do have plans to pack our bags this weekend... but that's for another post...

Love Beyond Measure...

2011-04-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

I don't think I ever had a second thought about having more than 1 child. Not one moment since we decided that kids would be part of our life, have we ever thought of having an only child. I have no issues with only children. I know a lot of good ones. I've just never been one. I think that, often, people want to have what they know. What's familiar to them. So I've long {since meeting Adam} believed I'd want 3 kids {or 4... but not 5}. I never feared my love wouldn't

s t r e t c h.

But the other day I had a little stumble. I felt a little bit of guilt over adding a baby to our brood without consulting Barrett. I know, it's a hilarious statement because he's 2. And because, who really consults their children regarding adding additional children. But nonetheless, I felt it. He's our first. And the only one we've really known. And we all survived the first round, together. And it made my heart sink ... for just a moment.

I know that I could have put the word love to the feelings I knew I'd experience once Snowball rolled into our home but I could never have actually articulated the way that love would feel. I couldn't have explained the need to comfort, soothe, and nurture as a mother. I could never have fathomed the internal dichotomy I'd face between the desire to be who I had been and the need to become who I was supposed to be. And honestly, I could never have believed I'd become that mom who believed that I was lucky enough to birth the most beautiful being to ever grace this earth.

So I should know that the same phenomena will ring true with baby number 2 but I was still surprised by this sudden realization that in my overwhelming excitement and anticipation to know Grin, I have some guilt surrounding what this all means for Barrett. As I looked at Barrett the other day, giggling...rolling...smiling. I did the same. Lying on the floor next to him, I found myself immersed in the moment. And lately, I've been captured by those sweet little seconds more than ever before. I know it's because I'm subconsciously preparing for change. I'm holding onto this moment a bit, not knowing what lies ahead and knowing that we'll never go back to being the parents of just one. Not good...or bad...just different.

In the longterm, I know Barrett will come through with flying colors. Growing up as the third of three, I know that I didn't feel any less loved by my parents or any less wanted by my siblings {once they quit telling me I was adopted. I think I was 15 then}. I love my family of 5 and couldn't think of subtracting a single member. I don't think {at least I hope} that my brother resented the fact that my parents had three children instead of one. I don't think my sister ever truly felt cheated by being the one smack dab in the middle {despite gripes about a hand-me-down sleeping bag and other material possessions}. So I hope that our children...however many there may be... will all feel our love. Equally.

The fact of the matter is, Barrett will have the fortune of benefiting from some things that our future additions will not. Alone time with us. One on one moments. The gift of undivided attention. And knowing that any question he has regarding the first two years of his life can be answered, verbatim. In contrast, Grin will benefit from our {hopefully} calmer approach, less panicked parenting, and the discovery we've already made... that no one can ever be a perfect parent. AND hopefully, I will benefit from the reality that while my body is not nearly as limber and flexible as it was ten years ago, my heart grows by leaps and bounds with each and every person it takes on. Because of this, I shouldn't be concerned with our love's ability to stretch to fit our family.

The thing is, before I had Barrett, I didn't have the clarity that some do ... I didn't truly know to what extent we would love our children. But now, I can fathom just how much I will love this child. And while I understand that love is not a finite resource, I hope that I can be a good enough mom to make both children feel it. Every day.

Why Ask Why...

2011-04-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

58.

That's how many times Barrett uttered the word "Why?" in a single day. The days have brought varying amounts ... 34. 38. 46. 29. But we've peaked at 58.

I know, I know. It's a toddler thing, you say. Inquiring minds want to know, you say. And I get those pieces of it. I get that asking why does not make Barrett the next boy genius. I get that it doesn't even necessarily mean he's looking for an explanation. But seriously, captain, some days I just don't have the power.

Example A:

Mommy: Let's go ride in the Jeep.

Barrett: Whhhhhhy?

Mommy: So we can go to the grocery store.

Barrett: Whhhhhy?

Mommy: So we can get groceries. So we can eat.

Barrett: Whhhhhy?

Mommy: So we don't waste away.

Barrett: Whhhhhy?

Mommy: Because that's just not good for anyone. There are people in Japan who would love to go to the grocery store right now.

Barrett: Whhhhhy?

Mommy: Because.

Barrett: Whhhhhy?

Oh sweet petunias. While Barrett's curiosity is cute, it's enough to drive a momma mad. And quite frankly, I am walking a thin line between validating his inquiries and just plain making up answers. So, if you ask me a question and I don't respond, it's not that I don't care, it's that the Answer Annex is closed. Why? Cuz.

Keeping Things in Line...

2011-04-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

I like to think that we all have a little OCD. Whatever brand you have, you likely know it. Barrett likes to organize objects. Specifically, he likes to line up all of his cars. Since he was less than one, this is a ritual that takes place over and over, daily. I like to make lists. It's a {rare} obsessive compulsive trait I have. In true woman fashion, I add things to the list I've done just to cross them off. While I have lists in many forms {Cozi, Google, Random scribbles on random envelopes} I prefer paper lists to apps. I prefer making my own little boxes to check beside each item and I prefer to pen such lists with none other than my fave Pilot G2 pens. It's my way of keeping things in order.

As I find myself wading deeper and deeper into the waters of the third trimester and Grin makes my belly go round, my lists grow by leaps and bounds. I am in full nest. I am experiencing some internal organized chaos. I suppose I am in a bit of denial regarding reality. We will soon be a family of 4. Adam and I will be parents to 2. Barrett will be brother to 1. Aye yi yi.

Don't get me wrong. Adam and I love Barrett more than we love delicious breakfast on a weekend morning, a really great Cabernet Sauvignon or snuggling with one another. As I often say, Barrett makes life better than we ever thought it could be. So much more than we ever could have known we wanted. But in truth, while lists are a great way to organize my tasks and objectives, I feel I can't properly emotionally prepare for Grin without taking a trip down memory lane through the harried first months of parenthood.

Let's be real... I wasn't in love with the whole infant thing with Barrett. If you've been reading BOTB forever, you know that Barrett was a bit of a work of heart for me ... the screaming, the spitting, the meals sans milk and of course, the around the clock two.five hour feeding schedule that ensued. Had I known how great he would be at 10 months, at year one, at 18 months and to date, I may have been able to have some perspective but not knowing how freaking fabulous our baby boy would be, I struggled to find my zen while leaving my job, plumping up a pre-prime peanut and through a bit of hormonal upheaval.

In retrospect, it was honestly just way more work.energy.love than I ever could have anticipated. And I was completely confused. Weren't the birth and the hospital stay supposed to bring so many happy tears instead of sad, weepy moments? Weren't the first few weeks {forgetting the lack of sleep} supposed to feel like a mix of dreams-come-true and Camelot? Why couldn't I have made Barrett bigger.stronger.safer? Why couldn't I keep everything in my life in line?

I really carried a lot of guilt. I felt as if I'd let Barrett down ... I should have been able to make my blood pressure more palatable... in turn, producing a more plentiful placenta. I felt as if I'd let Adam down ... I should have been able to keep up with the feedings without feeling so completely and utterly exhausted. I felt as if I'd let our families down ... I should have been a more cool, calm and collected momma amidst the screaming, spitting and weight checks. I didn't feel sad but I did feel like a failure. I wished I could keep all my ducks in a row.

But alas, I could not... at first.

And you know, I know now that, despite feeling like an alien at the time, I was pretty normal. To all moms out there who feel overwhelmed with your first {or second.. or seventh}, you're okay. And more importantly, your little loves are, too. And what's more, they continue to get better. And better. And one day, you can't believe you ever thought it was so hard.

And I think that realizing and owning that, will make for a much easier transition as we welcome Grinny into our gang.

While the to-do lists and the nesting will not soon cease {clothes to be washed, meals to prepare, rooms to complete...and on and on}, I do have some perspective this time around, I realize that no list... no amount of completed tasks... can actually prepare one for an infant. Although no two babies are alike, just as no two adults are, I look forward to getting to know Grin. And, luckily, this time around we have Barrett to help us keep everything in line.

Fashioning a Fetus...

2011-04-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

So, I have this sorority sister who can dress. I know a fair amount of girls who can dress. But this girl can put on a grocery sack {is that still pc?} and make it look couture. I’ve never had this knack. As I discussed upon purchasing my FUggs, I am not a fashion forward gal. But in dressing for pregnancy, I get a little more daring. Perhaps it's because I don't really care what you think because I am harboring a human. Perhaps it's because I'm not ashamed of what's going on in my belly. Perhaps it's just because I'm out of my gourd. Whatevs the reason, I get a little more risky when my bump begins to plump.

I've come up with a few rules for fashioning yourself while with fetus and while I'm no Rosie Pope, I think they're not half bad {that's me realizing they may also not be half good, either}.

1. The Bigger the Better ... The bigger your bell balloons, the bigger your baubles can be. I wear larger jewelry {and let's be real, I already rock big hair} while pregnant. Why not? Bigger "statement pieces" {look at me, pretending to be all fashion forward} make more of an impact with your peanut.

2. Accent the Bump, Hide the butt ... people often say to me "You don't have a pregnant butt". While I find this to be somewhat true as I have carried two kiddos on my front, I also think if you highlight the bump and the chest, people sort of seem to forget the rest.

3. Brighten Up With Your Babe ... If you haven't noticed from my glow, I use a fair amount of under eye cream {make sure it's all-natural while pregs and breastfeeding}, bronzer and illuminator. While being pg gives me a natural glow, I still get by with a little help from my friend.

4. Think Outside the Bump ... I've worn leggings at times during my pregnancy and actually flirted with skinny jeans {though I didn't purchase them... I'm still a pear}. I think when your middle is the main event, the rest of you can tend to look smaller {something I rarely experience because, as I've mentioned, I'm a Pear.} Be a little bold and blazen with your bump. People will either think you're "adorable" or they'll think you're too hormonal to be messed with. Regardless, no one will say a negative word.

5. Don't Marry Yourself to Materniwear ... The current styles lend themselves to the possibility of fashioning over a fetus. I've bought several of my favorite preggo pieces outside of the materniwear section and am hoping to transition them into my post-pregnancy wardrobe as well.

6. Blue Jean Baby ... Don't ignore the necessity of a good pair of baby blue Jeans. They don't have to be spendy but they should have some good spandex to them, a comfy panel and should be versatile enough to wear with your fave flats and heels.

7. Expandapants ... Don't ignore the beauty of a good pair of expandapants. I have a pair of black yoga pants from Gap Maternity {which I purchased with a 40% "We Love Wednesdays" coupon} and I heart them. I honestly wash them 3-4 days a week and wear them just as often. The difference between these and regular yoga wear ... the waistband is made to rise up above your rump and down below your bump. Comfy comforten.

8. You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile... While this may sound cliche, it's tote on-point. When you look happy and healthy, you will feel fabulous {specifically after the barfies of the first trimester say bye bye.}.

Whatever you do, embrace your bump and welcome the weight changes of pregnancy. It really can be a beautiful thing to pack on a person. What are your tricks to festoon your fetus?

28.5 Weeks... What's the Matter, Bladder?

2011-04-18T11:37:00.001-07:00

It's been a little over 28 weeks of growing Grin. It's completely insane how fast this little fetus has come to fruition but we are now less than 3 months out from the Grand Reveal. It's pretty much been business as usual with baby Brehm #2. After an incredibly smooth second trimester, we've moved into the frenetic phase for our fetus. After completing a 24 hour creatinine clearance a week ago, I received a call from my merry midwife on Friday. While my protein levels were looking peachy {around 160, which honestly means nothing to me but I am told that it's "pretty good"}, I apparently had a bladder infection...of which I knew not a thing about. No symptoms had surfaced and so, I hadn't a clue that my bladder should have been burning. Bladder infections are apparently quite common in preggos and so I was not at all peeved when I began antibis to say bye bye to the bladder bug.

Besides. I felt great. Right?

Kinda Sorta.

Saturday, on our race home from a full day of festivities including a trip to Lincoln for the Spring Game and a trip to Wilber for a full-family bday bash {all between the hours of 11 and 5:30}, it happened. I have to admit, at the time I wasn't certain exactly what was happening. Because it could not be happening. Could it? I googled Braxton-Hicks. Painless, it said. But after consistent pain two times a few minutes apart and a medical opinion from Judi {friend. family. fetus nurse}, it seemed quite possible. Contractions. Not the fake kind. The real deal. Apparently bladder infections can cause contractions and sure enough, I was having them. After two more yesterday, I confirmed with Dr. Kenney this morning at my monthly ultrasound. And while this does not indicate an earlier arrival from Grin, it reminds me that contractions suck. And labor is super painful. And there's no turning back now, folks. Oy.

Grin is still doing okay in the growth department. Just four weeks ago, I was actually measuring a few weeks ahead but that lead was somewhat lost. He/She was on the low side of the curve today but if we can stay consistent, we will be better off than with B. So, for now, we say prayers and I eat a lot of spinach {what would Popeye do?}. I'm going to do some tinkering with my BP meds as the diastolic slowly creeps into triple digits {130/100} and will see Jearlyn in two weeks and then have another ultrasound two weeks following. All in all, we are feeling good about Grin...but honestly, a little less optimistic about birthing a big, huge, ginormous babe.

Hello third trimester... we've arrived!